


Looks Like Nothing's Gonna Change

by Karen T (poohmusings)



Series: The Jennverse [3]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Gen, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 03:19:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 27,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poohmusings/pseuds/Karen%20T
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships become strained as Jenn's unveiled to the world. Jennverse #3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Except for Jenn, they're still not mine. I borrowed the title from the Otis Redding song, "(Sittin' on) The Dock of the Bay."  
>  **Notes:** This story begins on the day right after Jenn's arrival to DC.

Josh trudged through the lobby with bloodshot eyes and a headache that was threatening to incapacitate him. Slung over his right shoulder was his old beat-up leather backpack that dated back to his college days. He'd been meaning to replace it (with a newer backpack, that is; not something more 'professional'), but just never seemed to get around to it. He knew he could probably get Donna to pick him out a replacement from one of those Web sites she always denied surfing during work hours, but he just never seemed to get around to asking her to do that for him, either.

A pack rat. That's what his mother called him, and during their more cantankerous arguments, he became a sentimental pack rat in her eyes. He knew he wasn't a pack rat; he simply preferred to get full usage out of everything he owned. And who likes dealing with change? Now his _father_...there was someone who was a pack rat. If it weren't for his mother, he would've grown up buried under all the knick-knacks and gadgets his father had collected and then refused to discard. And sentimental?! How could anyone accuse him of being sentimental? It wasn't like he was the only one in the world who had his baby blanket carefully tucked away in a plastic storage container on the top shelf in his closet. And it wasn't like he was the only one who-- 

"Josh?" 

"Wha?" Josh turned his head to the left and had to blink several times before his eyes were able to focus enough for him to recognize a slightly out of breath Sam walking beside him. "Hey, Sam," he greeted his friend distractedly. "When did you get here?" 

"Didn't you hear me calling your name and asking you to wait up?" Sam demanded. "I practically had to sprint down the lobby to catch up with you." 

"Oh, sorry. My mind was...somewhere else." 

"On the Jenn thing, huh?" Sam sympathized with an understanding nod. 

"Uh..." Josh furrowed his forehead and twitched his nose like a bunny as images of rats draped in baby blankets danced in his head, "sure. Let's go with that." 

"You get any sleep?" 

"I think I passed out between four and five this morning. You?" 

"I wish I was that lucky. Toby had me on speed-dial all night. But I think I might have caught a small cat nap." 

"You think?" 

"Well, it's all kind of...confusing." Sam scratched the side of his head in perplexity. "I remember grinding some coffee beans in my grinder this morning, pouring the grounds and water into my coffee maker, and then turning it on. But then that's it. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and finding myself still standing in front of my coffee maker. The only difference was that it now contained a full pot of coffee. I think I may have fallen asleep on my feet. Is that weird?" 

Josh eyed Sam for a moment before mumbling, "Not any more than anything else that's gone on around here lately." 

They continued walking side by side until Josh suddenly reached out and grasped Sam by the shoulders. "Did yesterday really happen?" he asked as a hint of desperation trickled into his voice. "Or was it all just a disturbingly realistic nightmare?" 

Sam's eyebrows shot upwards and his mouth fell slightly open in surprise before he recovered enough to say, "Yesterday really happened, Josh." 

"Damn." Josh removed his hands from Sam's shoulders and dropped them back down to his sides as he sighed loudly. "So the President really did have an affair and there really is a new Bartlet daughter running around out there?" 

"Yeah." 

"Damn." 

"Yeah." 

Josh and Sam resumed walking in silence until they reached the juncture in the lobby where they needed to go in opposite directions in order to get to their respective offices. "Did we even settle on a game plan?" Josh asked as he began to turn towards 'his' area of the West Wing. 

"Yes, definitely," Sam responded, his head bobbing up and down fervently. But the nodding slowly dissipated until a look of doubt overtook his face. "Well...maybe not so definitely. Oh, I don't know. Toby really doesn't like the idea of going with the tried-and-true formula, but I think he's going to let us stick with it." 

"Jenn really lit a fire under him, didn't she?" Josh asked with a smile. 

"Yeah." 

They shared a small laugh before Josh's face twisted up into another pained expression. "We'd probably find that a lot more humorous if our asses weren't also on the line, huh?" 

"Yeah, probably. I'll see ya." 

"Later." Josh watched Sam hurry off towards his office before he whirled around and almost collided into Donna. 

"Donna," he gasped as his hand reflexively shot up to his chest. He could feel his heart quicken in pace underneath his now damp hand. 

"Sorry," she said cheerily. "Good morning, though." 

"Yeah, morning," he muttered. "What are you doing here?" 

"I work here, Josh. Maybe if you paid me more, you'd remember that." 

Her chipper tone was beginning to grate on his nerves, but he managed to swallow the nasty words that had originated in his head before they escaped through his mouth. "But it's only...seven. You don't usually get in until 7:45." 

Donna broke out into a smile, pleased that he'd noticed what time she always came in to work every morning. "Well, since you let me go home early last night, I thought I'd return the favor by coming in early this morning." 

"Donna, it was 8:15 when I told you to go home last night. Not many people would consider that early." 

"Josh, believe me, getting home at any hour in which sitcoms are still showing on TV means I got to leave work early." 

"Okay." Josh maneuvered around her to get into his office. 

"Oh, Leo just called," Donna reported as she trailed behind him. "Senior staff's been moved up to 7:30." 

Josh stopped mid-stride and grimaced at the news for he knew why the time of the meeting had been changed. "Okay. Thanks." 

Donna stood in his doorway and watched him throw his backpack onto his cluttered desk. "Josh, is...is everything okay?" She internally cursed herself for allowing her concern to seep into the tone of her voice. "You just seem..." 

Josh stared intently into her blue eyes as his desire to tell her everything that had transpired over the past fourteen hours almost cracked his chest open. He wanted to tell her, he really did. He was sick and tired of being one of only a handful of people who were supposed to keep the President's deep, dark secrets under lock and key. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to any of them. "Donna, I," he began to say before his loyalty to the President got the better of him, "I need some coffee. Be a dear, would you, and grab me a cup?" 

Donna smirked. "Nice try, Lyman. Don't forget: you've got staff in thirty." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said as he waved her away dismissively and pretended to search through the papers on his desk so that she couldn't see how much it destroyed him to have lied to her once again. 

  


* * *

  


Twenty minutes later, Toby made his way towards C.J.'s office to see if she had arrived yet. He found her at her desk, staring off into the distance. Her head was propped up on her right hand and her mind was drifting through a variety of disjointed thoughts. She was currently reflecting about the packet of 'Sugar in the Raw' she dumped into every cup of coffee she consumed. Should she be concerned about those 'empty calories'? 

Toby observed her through her open door and could tell from the expression on her face that she was deep in thought. "Hey," he murmured as he leaned against her doorframe. 

She shifted her gaze to her left and acknowledged Toby's presence with a curt nod of her head. From the look of his rumpled clothes, frazzled hair, and weary eyes, she had a feeling he hadn't gone home like the rest of them had at 2 am. 

"When did you get in?" he asked quietly. 

"Around six. I decided to skip going to the gym. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with people." 

"I was in my office at six. Why didn't you stop by and let me know you were here?" 

C.J. cocked an eyebrow and looked at him suspiciously. "Toby, when have I ever checked in with you?" 

He appeared to consider the question for a second before conceding, "Yeah, good point." 

They then stared at each other in silence until C.J. exhaled loudly, the bags underneath her eyes becoming more pronounced as she expelled the air from her lungs. "We have a plan, right, Toby?" 

"Yeah," he said, trying hard to sound convincing. "It's not the most creative thing we've ever come up with and it's certainly not the plan to end all plans, but it'll get the job done." 

C.J. absently began to nod her agreement, but then suddenly dropped her head on to her desk with a loud thump. Alarmed, Toby rushed to her desk and leaned over until his nose was only inches from her hair. "C.J., are you okay?" he whispered in the vicinity of her left ear. 

She slowly raised her head, pinching the bridge of her nose on the way up. "Why is this happening to us again, Toby?" she questioned mournfully. "How is it possible that we're actually back to where we were only four short months ago?" 

Toby opened his mouth to respond but quickly learned that C.J. wasn't finished. 

"I thought he was supposed to be the one, Toby. The one who was going to make a difference. The one who wasn't supposed to make us ashamed to wake up and go to work every day. What happened to that? When did this administration go from bettering the world to covering his ass on these...these _things_?! How long are we expected to keep doing this?" C.J.'s eyes flashed with anger and her breathing grew shallow. "I know we serve at the pleasure of the President, but I swear, I don't know how much more of this _pleasure_ I can take. I really don't." 

To Toby's surprise and chagrin, he found himself defending the man he'd spent the past few hours loathing in private. "You don't mean that, C.J. You're just tired." 

"Damn straight I'm tired," she snapped, "but that's only the tip of the iceberg of what I'm feeling right now." 

Taken aback by the depth of C.J.'s fury, Toby realized that he didn't know what to say. He'd seen her upset before, but never to this degree. Within the West Wing, _he_ was the one who was known as the staff member who held grudges and never overtly expressed any anger until he was on the brink of exploding. But with her hands balled up into fists and her jaw muscles twitching from the intensity with which she clenched her teeth, he recognized the signs of someone who had been stewing in ire for some time. Sighing dejectedly, he tucked his hands into his pants pockets and said, "C'mon, we've got staff." 

C.J. glared at him, her anger at the President temporary misplaced on to Toby, before she closed her eyes and covered the right side of her face with her hand. "Yeah, okay," she eventually muttered with reluctance as she pushed her chair backwards and grabbed a notepad off her desk. 

  


* * *

  


Josh and Sam were already seated and waiting in the Oval Office when Toby and C.J. made their entrance. They exchanged sympathetic glances with each other and Josh patted the seat cushion next to him on the couch when he caught C.J.'s eye. Once seated beside him, he reached out and rubbed her back in tiny circles with his knuckles. It was such a comforting gesture at such a stressful time that C.J. found herself on the verge of tears. "Did you sleep at all last night?" Josh asked her in a concerned whisper. "'Cause you look like hell." 

C.J. shook her head and chuckled despite her foul mood. "You sure know how to woo the girls, Josh." 

"Hey, that's why I'm known as a lady's man." 

"Oh my God, don't even start with that," Toby growled menacingly, which elicited another chuckle from C.J. 

"Good, you're all here." Leo hustled into the room from his office with a mug in one hand and a bundle of files in the other. "The President's running a little late, but he's on his way." 

The senior staff nodded and each found something intriguing for them to stare at on the floor. Leo surreptitiously scrutinized them from behind his coffee mug and noticed that, even seated, they looked like they were about ready to fall. They'd all been put through the ringer during the MS hearings, especially C.J. Could he and the President really put them through it again and expect them to prevail unscathed? 

Before Leo had a chance to ruminate on the question, Jed strode into the room with a bright smile on his face and a hearty "Good morning, everyone." 

C.J., Josh, Toby, and Sam rose to their feet and mumbled "Morning" while averting their eyes from Jed's. It was the first time they were in the same room with the President since Leo had announced Jenn's arrival to them, and they all now found it difficult to look at the man they'd idolized for so long. Jed had wondered what his senior staff's reaction would be to seeing him, and as he took notice of their inability to establish eye contact with him, he realized that feigning contentment might not have been the wisest way for him to walk into the meeting. He shot a look of worry to Leo, who only made a face and shrugged his shoulders in response. Clearing his throat, Jed tried to sound nonchalant as he asked, "So, how did it go last night?" The resulting eye rolls and grimaces informed him that that might also have not been the wisest question with which to begin the meeting. 

Luckily, Leo interceded by replying, "It went fine, sir. It proved to be very...informative." 

"Good. I knew you'd all get along. Like all my other daughters, Jenn's got--" Jed cut himself off as he sensed the tension within his office triple at the mention of his 'new' daughter. "Look," he began, dropping his nothing-has-happened demeanor, "I realize that I've, once again, placed you all in a very difficult situation. But please believe me when I say that I never intended for this to happen. I would have told each of you about my past...transgression with Melanie Erickson if I had thought for a second that there was the slightest chance it would become public knowledge. I consider those within this room to be some of the finest people I've ever had the good fortune of working with and I really...I...I'm sorry. I really am." 

He'd anticipated a variety of responses to his apology, but he failed to foresee the four stony-faced stares that greeted him when he looked up. 

"Thank you, sir," Leo quickly said once he realized that none of the senior staffers were going to say anything. "I'm sure they appreciate the apology." 

"Well, it'd be nice to hear _them_ say that," Jed hissed, his blood beginning to boil from his staff's obvious disrespect. 

"We appreciate the apology, sir," Toby stated in a flat monotone. After his earlier stint in the Bartlet-can-do-no-wrong world for C.J.'s benefit, he'd returned to his former state of antipathy. 

Jed narrowed his eyes and frowned, but managed to restrain himself from verbally tearing his Communications Director into shreds by barking, "Okay, fine. So, what's next? Have you guys developed a plan?" 

Sam and Josh looked over at Toby, who, in turn, looked at C.J. That's when it occurred to Sam that he apparently wasn't the only one Toby had had on speed-dial the night before. C.J. sighed as she adjusted the position of her glasses on her nose and flipped through a couple of pages on her notepad. With the calm and collected voice that only seasoned Press Secretaries possess, C.J. announced, "Yes, sir, we have a plan in place. We went through a variety of scenarios last night, but chose to settle on this particular one for its familiarity and simplicity." When she paused for a breath, the implications of her last comment hit her, causing her to add, "In execution. I meant that the simplicity can be found in the plan's execution, not its, you know, outcome." 

Leo nodded and motioned with his hand for her to continue. "We know, C.J. Go on." 

"Okay." She consulted her notes for a second before saying, "Mr. President, our suggestion for a course of action is as follows. Tomorrow night, on an as yet undecided news magazine show, you'll tell the nation about your past marital problems with the First Lady, your subsequent affair with Melanie Erickson, and how Jenn was the product of that affair." 

"Will Jenn be appearing with me?" Jed interrupted. 

"We don't think she should, sir. We have something else in mind for her." 

"How about the First Lady?" Leo asked. 

"I don't know," C.J. said with hesitation. "We never really resolved that issue last night because we weren't sure how the First Lady would feel about it." 

Leo glanced questioningly over at the President, who looked down at his feet and gave a small shake of his head. "Why don't we table that question for now and come back to it later. What else have you got, C.J.?" 

"Following the show, the President will participate in a press conference that will allow us to control the situation for as long as we possibly can." 

"Gee, I wonder why all of this sounds so familiar," Toby mumbled under his breath as he slouched further down in his seat. 

C.J. raised her head and shot Toby a look of astonishment and admonition before continuing on. "The next day, which is Saturday, Jenn will appear on an as yet undecided week-in-review talk show and describe her life and her current relationship with the President." 

Making a mental note of Toby's comment, Jed moved from behind his desk and began to pace in front of it. "I don't know if I'm comfortable with the idea of letting the press at her like that." 

"It wouldn't be the entire press, sir," C.J. assured him. "It would just be Jenn and the host of the show doing a live one-on-one interview for thirty minutes. If we don't give Jenn her own face time, then the press is going to accuse us of putting a muzzle on her because we're afraid of what she may say about you." 

"And what if we _are_ scared about what she may say?" Sam questioned. 

"Doesn't matter," C.J. pronounced authoritatively. "The last thing we need is for even _one_ person to accuse us of impinging on her freedom of speech." 

"But we don't know what show this'll be yet, right?" Jed asked. 

"No, sir, but we'll put together a list of some pro-Bartlet shows and pick one from there. We'll also create a list of questions for the show's host to use. Anything not on that list will be off-limits. If the host and the producer don't agree to that stipulation, then we'll go elsewhere." 

"Good." Jed nodded his head with pleasure at the thoroughness of his staff. "Now, what about this show I'm supposed to go on? Are we thinking about going back to _Dateline_?" 

"Oh, why don't we spread the wealth a little. Maybe _48 Hours_ would like to get in on the action," Toby muttered sarcastically. This time Sam was the one who shot him a look, while Josh kicked his foot. 

Snatching his glasses off his face, Jed put his hands on hips and challenged, "Is there something you'd like to say, Toby?" 

"Well, sir, since you asked," Toby began, rising to his feet. 

Leo deftly maneuvered over to Toby and gave him a small yet effective shove downward before standing in front of him to block the President's view of him. "Toby has nothing to say, sir," Leo insisted. "He's fine." 

"It certainly doesn't sound that way to me." 

"Actually, I'm not fine," Toby declared as he began to stand up again. 

Without missing a beat, Leo whipped around, glared at Toby, and mouthed "Shut up" before loudly asserting, "He's _fine_ , Mr. President. Please go on, C.J." 

At the mention of her name, C.J. fumbled with her notepad and stammered, "That's, um, that's actually all I had to say." 

"But what about _Dateline_? Are we going to go with them?" Leo asked. 

Josh shrugged. "I don't think it really matters. We could go with _48 Hours_ instead, if you'd prefer." 

" _48 Hours_ doesn't air on Fridays," Sam informed them knowledgeably. "We could try _20/20_ , but that doesn't come on until ten, so that would push the press conference until...midnight?" 

"Okay, fine. _Dateline_ it is then," Jed proclaimed. "You'll set it up, C.J.?" 

"Yes, sir. I'll do it this afternoon. And then tomorrow afternoon, I'll leak the story to the usual suspects." 

"That would be the AP, Reuters, and...?" Jed scratched his head as he tried to remember the name of the news organization currently alluding him. 

"Agence France, sir," C.J. supplied. 

"Right. And we'll shoot my interview with Marie Shriver or whoever it ends up being in here? Maybe with my wife, maybe not?" 

"Well, not here in the Oval Office, but, yes, somewhere in the White House. We'll iron out the details and get back to you." 

"Okay. And we're all fine with the timeline? If I appear on _Dateline_ tomorrow night, then that leaves us with what? Thirty-six hours to prepare me, and about double that to prepare Jenn?" 

Sam sighed and rolled his head around in an attempt to alleviate the tightness in his shoulder muscles. "It's certainly not ideal, Mr. President, but we don't really have a choice in the matter. We have to move on this." 

"All right. Sam, you'll prepare a draft of what I should say on _Dateline_ , as well as the list of permissible questions that may be asked of my daughter?" 

"Yes, sir." 

And, Leo, we're still going to keep a lid on this, right? Everyone goes about their regular duties without letting on that anything's amiss." 

"That's correct, sir." Leo made eye contact with the senior staff as a means of emphasizing Jed's assumption. 

"Okay, then. It sounds like we have a plan. Is there anything else?" Without waiting for a response, Jed began sorting through some papers on his desk to indicate that he was ready to move on. 

"Actually, sir, there is." Standing up, Josh said, "We're going to have to tell some people -- like our assistants -- about Jenn. If I'm supposed to carry out all my duties on top of this...thing, then I'm going to have to tell Donna what's going on. There's no way I can do it all without her help. The same goes with everyone else here." 

Jed considered Josh's plea for a moment before nodding his head in agreement. "Okay. It's actually not a bad idea for me to tell Charlie what's going on, either. You can tell your assistants, but do so without drawing any attention to yourselves. And before you tell anyone else, you have to clear it with either Leo or myself." 

"Yes, sir," the staff chorused. 

"All right, then. Thanks, everyone. I'm sure we'll talk again later today." 

"Thank you, Mr. President." 

They filed out of the Oval Office, with Leo bringing up the rear. After closing the door behind him, he spun around and scowled at Toby. "You. In my office. Now," he ordered. 

"Can't," Toby chirped back. "Josh and I have a meeting with Congresswoman Delaney and Congressman Fellowes. You wouldn't want me skipping my regular duties, would you?" 

"I swear to God, Toby, is it possible for you to be any more of an ass than you are right now?" 

"Leo," Sam cautioned in a low voice as he gestured towards Charlie, who was trying his hardest not to notice the strife within the group huddled outside the President's door. 

Leo took a deep breath and counted to twenty before looking back at Toby and saying, "You can be damn sure we'll continue this later." 

"Are we still going to meet with Jenn at nine?" C.J. asked. 

"Uh, no, that's okay. You guys have enough to deal with. The President and I will meet with her and let her in on what's happening." 

"Okay." C.J. glanced down at her watch and frowned at the time. "I've got a briefing to prepare for." 

"And Toby and I have that meeting," Josh added. 

"Well, it sounds like we've got people to talk to and places to be, so let's get to it. I'll touch base with each of you throughout the day." 

"Thanks, Leo." 

They spilled out into the hallway and hurried off to various regions of the White House. 

Warm-ups were now over. 

  


* * *

  


Jenn sat in the empty basement conference room and drummed the fingers of her right hand along the top of the conference table. According to her watch, it was a quarter after nine, which meant that not one, but six people were late. She added the accompaniment of the tapping of her right foot on the floor to the noise she was already making with her fingers and glanced at the two Secret Service agents who were standing in front of the door. She knew they were there to protect her, but she also couldn't help feeling like they were there to prevent her from escaping. She wondered if she could get one of them to crack a smile if she started rattling off some 'naughty' limericks. A juvenile thought on her part? Definitely. But she was bored. 

As she took another peek at her watch, she heard the door open and looked up to see Leo and Jed coming towards her. 

"Sorry we're late," Jed apologized sincerely. "I couldn't seem to get my meeting to end. It's one of the disadvantages to being President; people never want to stop talking once they've got your ear." 

"Hmm," Jenn murmured, trying to sound interested. 

"How did you sleep last night? Was the room okay?" Jed's voice dripped of a desperate desire to please. 

"Yeah, the room's fine. I slept fine, too," she assured him as she gave him a small smile. 

Relieved, he pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. "Good. I'm glad. But we're going to move you to the room next door to Zoey's. It just makes more sense that way." 

"Oh. Huh," Jenn muttered in a small voice. She attempted to refrain from visibly cringing as she thought to herself, That's great 'cause there's nothing I like more than re-packing and unpacking my things yet again. 

Leo could tell that Jed's news had been unenthusiastically received, so he cleared his throat, thereby drawing their attention to him. "Morning, Jenn. You ready to get this meeting started?" 

"We're not going to wait for the others?" 

"No, they're not going to be joining us for this one." 

"Oh." Jenn pondered this new development before looking up with concern and asking, "That isn't because of what happened at the end of yesterday's--" 

"No," Leo quickly interjected, shooting a glance at Jed. "It has nothing to do with that." 

"Did something happen last night that I don't know about?" Jed asked suspiciously. 

"No," Jenn replied with an uneasy laugh. "Everything went great. I love your staff. They're a hoot and a half." 

Unconvinced, Jed gazed at both Jenn and Leo before deciding not to push the issue. "Jenn, we've put together a plan on how we think we should proceed with your...unveiling of sorts, and we're ready to carry it out as long as you're okay with it." 

"A plan, huh?" she asked tentatively. "That sounds very... I don't know, serious." 

"It'll be okay," Leo assured her, locking his brown eyes on hers. 

Jenn sighed and unconsciously started biting one of her fingernails. "So, what kind of plan are we talking about?" 

"There are three parts to it," Jed began explaining as he turned his chair so that he could sit facing her. "Tomorrow night, I'm going to appear on _Dateline_ for a live 30-minute interview. I'm sure you already know this, Jenn, but the interview's going to center mainly around you. After the show, there's going to be press conference. I'll go into a room packed to the gills with press from all over the world and they'll bombard me with questions. Hopefully I'll be able to b. s. my way through them with a minimal amount of damage," Jed joked. But his smile faded when he saw her eyes glazing over from fear and shock. "The next day, we'd like to have you go on one of those weekend talk shows that cover the past week's events." 

"Me?" 

"I know it sounds scary, Jenn, but we're sure you can handle it." Leo, who'd been standing, sat down in the chair across from her and reached across the table for her hand. "We wouldn't have suggested it if we didn't think you could." 

"But, I- I don't know anything about public speaking." 

"Don't think about it in those terms. Think of it more like having a friendly chat," Jed suggested. 

"Yeah," Jenn scoffed. "A friendly chat with a complete stranger in front of rolling cameras. _That_ puts me more at ease." She stared up at the ceiling in silence for a moment before asking, "Do you think it'd help? Putting me on TV?" 

"Yeah, we do. It'd give the public a chance to put a face to your name. It'd humanize you a little in their eyes. Think you're up for it?" Leo queried, still holding on to her left hand. 

"If you'd think it'd help, then yeah, definitely." She bit her lower lip as she tried to slow the pounding of her heart. "Do you have an idea what kind of questions they're going to ask me?" 

"Actually, we know exactly what kind of questions they're going to ask because we're going to write them for them. We're going to hand them a list of the only questions they'll be allowed to ask you. This way, you'll know what questions to expect and you'll already have prepared answers for them. No chance of any curveballs." 

"Why would anyone agree to that?" 

"Because they know that if they don't, there'll definitely be someone down the street who will. Trust me, whichever show we end up choosing for you to go on will agree to this term." 

"Okay." 

"Jenn," Jed reached out and placed a comforting hand on her right forearm, every muscle in her body immediately tightening in response to his touch, "I know this is all pretty overwhelming and that a lot has happened to you recently, but I really want you to know that I--" 

The door creaked opened at that point and Charlie stepped past the Secret Service agents into the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but the Russian President is waiting for you on the phone. You told me that you wanted me to come get you when he called." 

Jenn studied the young man who stood near the door. He wore a crisply ironed white shirt, and his maroon-colored tie with the small white flowers was a nice complement to the shirt and his black slacks. His eyes, which were large and warm and completely lacking in deceit, almost immediately caught her attention. They were bright against his dark skin and sparkled with intelligence. She was also struck by his presence. She could tell he was younger than she was, but from his proper posture to the way he held his head up high, she knew he was someone who could hold his own against any President, King, Chairman, or Prime Minister in the world. She wished she was that fortunate. 

Jed groaned at the message but earnestly replied, "Thanks, Charlie." Turning his attention to Leo, he said, almost apologetically, "I have to take this call." 

"It's all right, Mr. President," Leo reassured him. "I'll answer any other questions Jenn may have, and then we'll touch base with you again later on today." 

"Okay." Jed nodded and began to rise when he suddenly stooped back down and placed a hand on Jenn's shoulder. "Are you okay?" he whispered. For some reason, he just couldn't seem to stop asking her that question. 

"Yes, I'm fine." Over Jed's shoulder, she saw Charlie sneaking a peek at her. She wasn't sure what to make of the gesture. Was he looking at her because he knew who she was, or was it because he had no clue who she was? 

A relieved smile crept across Jed's face as he awkwardly patted her a couple times on the back and then beat a hasty retreat out of the room. 

After his departure, Jenn and Leo found themselves staring at each other. Leo pushed his chair backwards and extended a hand out to Jenn as he stood. "What do you say to getting out of here and finishing this up in my office? It's less...sterile up there." 

Jenn's eyes grew large with astonishment. "We're allowed to leave this room?" 

"Yeah. What did you think? We were trying to keep you hidden down here?" 

"Well..." Jenn cocked her head to a side and recalled the numerous times she _had_ thought just that. 

"You didn't." 

She shrugged and left her response at that as she followed Leo out of the room and up the stairs to the main floor of the West Wing. They walked in silence down a variety of hallways and Jenn made note of the curious glances that came her way from several staffers. 

Once in the safety of his office, Leo instinctually made a beeline for his desk and asked, "Do you have any more questions?" 

"Uh, no, I don't think so." Jenn wearily rubbed her eyes as she felt the onset of a migraine coming on. "Everything's moving so quickly. I...I think I'm still adjusting. Are you sure we should move this fast? I mean, I hate to keep sounding like a broken record, but I'm still not absolutely I made the right decision by coming here. What if I decide in a few days that I'd rather go back to California or I'd rather just start over somewhere else, somewhere completely separate from the President? If that happens, then won't it seem like all the stress and machinations were all for not?" 

"Jenn, regardless of whether you're here six days from now, six weeks from now, or even six months from now, the President wants the world to know you're his daughter. He's proud of you and everything you've accomplished. You're not some dirty, little secret he's been trying to keep hidden all these years and is now being forced to reveal. You do know that, don't you?" 

Jenn sighed and looked out one of his windows. Her words were pregnant with sadness and doubt when she finally said, "I'm trying, Uncle Leo. I really am. But you have to understand, there's been a lot of years of second guessing on my part, and I'm just...I'm trying to reach that place where I believe he loves me. I'm just not sure how long it'll take me to get there." 

Leo studied her and realized that she was right. Both he and Jed could repeatedly tell her that she was loved and wanted by the Bartlets, but they would just remain words to her until she believed in them. 

Wanting to lighten the somber mood that had descended upon them, Jenn clapped her hands and asked, "So, if this is all going down in the next couple of days, is there anything I can do to help? Maybe I could start drafting some questions for that talk show host to ask me. I mean, who knows better than me, right, what I want to be asked?" 

"That's okay. Sam's already working on them." 

"Oh. Well, how about some help filing then? Every office has piles of stuff that needs to be filed. I could help with that." 

"We have people whose job it is to file things in a timely manner." 

"Then what do you expect me to do?" Jenn muttered in annoyance. "Sit here twiddling my thumbs until you shove me in front of some camera and tell me to talk? I'm not a puppet, you know." 

Leo couldn't help but smile at her biting words for that was the Jenn he'd come to know and love. "Actually, I do have something you could do for me." He picked up his phone and dialed Ainsley's extension. Once he heard her Southern drawl on the line, he said, "Hi, Ainsley. This is Leo McGarry....What does your schedule look like today?...Well, if I clear it with McMichaels, would you be willing to take today off to do a favor for me?...Great. Come on up to my office and I'll fill you in on the details. Thanks. See you soon." He hung up and saw Jenn glowering at him. 

"You want me to be baby-sat by a lawyer?" she demanded coldly. 

"No, I want you to go shopping with a lawyer. Here." He reached into his inside jacket pocket for his wallet and plucked out a sparkly silver card, which he then handed to her. 

"What's that?" 

"It's called a credit card. This one happens to be what they've dubbed 'platinum.'" 

"I know what it is," Jenn shot back in disgust. "But you want...you want me to go _shopping_?" 

"Yes. I want you and Ainsley -- and those two agents waiting for you outside -- to go shopping. You're going to need something nice to wear when you appear on that talk show, so go buy a nice suit or something. And you couldn't have been able to squeeze a lot of clothes in that duffel bag of yours, so pick up a few more items for you to wear around here as well. Hit a few stores, see some sights, have a good lunch. You'll have fun." 

Jenn stared at him dubiously. "You're being serious, aren't you?" 

"Yeah." 

"Are you trying to get me out of your hair?" 

"Oh, yeah." 

Jenn narrowed her eyes menacingly before realizing that Leo was only kidding around with her. "Okay, fine, I'll go shopping," she finally relented as she rolled her eyes at the last word she'd uttered. "But for the record, I'd just like to say that this is turning out to be the strangest trip I've ever taken in my life." 

"I have no doubt about that," Leo commented, drawing her into a stiff hug. "You'll have fun, I promise," he assured her as he stroked her hair. 

"You're making a lot of promises, Uncle Leo. You sure you can make good on all of them?" 

"Oh, God, I hope so," he muttered, which led Jenn to start giggling as she hugged him back. 

  


* * *

  


"Blagghhh!" 

Toby glanced up from his laptop and scanned his room for the source of the odd-sounding noise he'd just heard. With the exception of a teetering pile of books stacked haphazardly in one of his armchairs, his office was the exactly the way it had been since yesterday. He tilted his head to the right and checked to see if the sound had come from his bullpen. Even though it was eight o'clock at night, the Communications Bullpen was still a flurry of activity. He saw Ginger zoom past his door and Bonnie return from the mess precariously holding four cups of coffee with her two hands. Nope, everything looked normal enough to him. He'd just returned to reading the contents on his computer screen when his train of thought was interrupted once again, this time by a strangled cry of "Fuaiieghst!" He didn't have to seek out the source of the noise this time for the source came to him in the form of Sam...or what looked like Sam. 

With his shirtsleeves rolled up, his tie hanging loosely around his unbuttoned collar, and his hands clenching an assortment of papers, Sam appeared in his doorway babbling what Toby at first thought was nonsense. "I can't do this, Toby. I just can't. I mean, I can multi-task with the best of them, but I don't think I can do this. I've got rebuttals to compose, position papers to read, lists of questions to put together, a statement to write -- and I don't even know if the First Lady's going to be there tomorrow night so that means I'm going to have to write two statements -- and I've lost the ability to form complete sentences. I just wrote down the phrase 'on the flip side.' _On the flip side!_ Oh my God, Toby, I think I'm having a nervous breakdown." 

Toby stared at his deputy in dumbfounded silence. He'd seen Sam act loopy before, especially when he'd had too much to drink, but the look of utter panic that currently filled Sam's eyes frightened Toby more than he wanted to admit. "First of all, Sam, breathe," Toby ordered with a strict voice in the hopes of snapping Sam out of whatever spell he was trapped in, "because if you faint in my office, I'm not gonna give you CPR." 

The insult appeared to work as Sam blinked a few times before entering the room and collapsing onto Toby's couch. "Your concern's utterly overwhelming." 

"What's going on, Sam?" 

Sam exhaled loudly and smoothed back his hair. "There's not enough time, Toby," he announced somberly. "There's so much to do, and there's...there's just not enough time to do them in. I've been in meetings all day, trying to stay focused, trying not to reveal that things _aren't_ okay, but all I could think about was how I had no idea how that statement was gonna get written and how that list of questions was gonna get put together. I've been in my office for the past hour trying to get started on that statement, but my mind's been all over the place. I thought, at first, it was because I was tired, but I now know that it's because the only thing I can think of for him to say when he goes on the air is, 'You know what? I'm a complete bastard, and that's why I shouldn't be the President of the United States any longer.'" 

"Sam..." 

"No, Toby, I'm serious. He screwed us over again. He stood there in the Oval Office and _promised_ us that there were no more secrets, that his MS omission had just been a case of bad judgement on his part. He stood there and lied to us. It's like this whole summer meant _nothing_ to him." 

"Sam..." 

"I'm just...I'm tired of it all. I don't think I can do this, Toby. I'm sorry." Sam looked up at his friend and mentor with large sorrowful eyes. 

"Sam, it's okay." Toby strode over to his couch and crouched down in front of him. "I shouldn't have put all this on your shoulders. Why don't you handle the statement and I'll take the list? If you get stuck, let me know and we'll swap assignments. Everything'll be okay." 

"Toby, that's not what I was--" 

"Sam, take the statement." Toby's words were firm but also kind. 

Sam hesitated for a moment before saying, "Okay." 

"Good." 

"But I still need to know if the First Lady's going to be there tomorrow. If she is, then that's one statement, but if she isn't, then that's an entirely different statement. I need to know." 

"Okay. I'll try to find that out for you." 

Sam sighed again, but rose to his feet and rubbed his exhausted eyes. "So, I'll work on the statement and you'll work on the list?" 

"Yeah." 

"Okay." As he started to exit the room, he turned back around to ask, "Toby?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I can usually handle the pressure, you know." 

"I know." Toby gave Sam a small smile that was a combination of chagrin and encouragement. "Go on, get outta here. But don't hesitate to ask me for help if you get stuck. We're in this thing together." 

"Okay. Thanks." 

"No problem." 

  


* * *

  


Toby waited until Sam had returned to his own office before he making his way across the West Wing to Leo's. When he arrived, Margaret's desk was vacant, so Toby walked over to Leo's door unannounced. Leo's head was stooped over his desk, his lips giving the slightest sign of movement every now and then as he perused a memo sent to him by the Department of Agriculture. The only light currently on in his office was that of his desk lamp, so it almost appeared as if Leo, shrouded in darkness, was emitting a yellowish glow. 

"Got a minute?" Toby asked, standing uneasily in the doorway. 

Startled, Leo jumped slightly in his chair before looking up and glaring at his 'intruder.' 

"Sorry," Toby apologized. "Margaret wasn't at her desk, so I thought I'd just--" 

"Come in for round two?" Leo offered with a surly tone of voice. 

"Yeah, about that," Toby closed the door behind him and took a seat in front of Leo's desk, "I want to apologize for my behavior this morning. I was completely out of line." 

"Gee, you think?" 

"The thing is, I wasn't even angry when I said all those things." 

"So you just decided to be an ass for the hell of it?" 

"Okay, let me rephrase that. I _was_ angry, but not because of the Jenn thing. I was angry because of how the President's actions have affected the others." Toby hesitated for a moment before adding, "We're falling apart internally, Leo." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"I'm talking about the others. Have you noticed how quiet Josh has become? It started last night, after the meeting downstairs ended. We reconvened in my office, and that's when Josh turned mute. I didn't even notice or care at first because I was in full bitch-and-moan mode. But trust me, when you can go ten minutes without Josh interrupting with some inane comment, it becomes eerie. C.J. was pretty quiet herself, but I thought she was doing that on purpose so that she could digest all of our arguments and produce some words of wisdom. It turns out, though, that she was instead doing some internal raging of her own. And Sam...you should have seen Sam last night. You would've been so proud of him. He was the only one who was making any sense. He was levelheaded and coherent and kept us on task. But now, he's...he's coming apart at the seams. I don't know how much more he can take before we lose him." 

"What are you getting at, Toby?" 

Toby stared across the desk at Leo and realized that he didn't know what he was getting at. Leo was astute; he must have figured out by now that things were amiss with his senior staff. What had he expected Leo to do? What _could_ Leo do? It wasn't like he could turn back time and erase the Bartlets' marriage woes or prevent Jed from meeting Melanie or stop Jed from 'forgetting' to mention Jenn to his staff. Toby closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his noise as he mumbled, "I don't know." Leo refocused his attention on the memo he'd been reading while Toby took a few seconds to collect his thoughts. "Do you know if Dr. Bartlet's going to be there tomorrow night?" Toby remembered to ask. "Sam's working on the statement and he needs to know." 

Leo removed his reading glasses and studied Toby's face. "I don't know, but what's your opinion on the matter? If you were the President, would you want her there with you?" 

"It's a tough call to make. I think it's a lose-lose situation for us. Let's say the First Lady appears with the President on _Dateline_ tomorrow. Viewers will read that one of two ways. They'll either say, 'Hey, look at that. The woman who the President cheated on is standing by him and has accepted Jenn so we should accept her, too.' or they'll say, 'God, will you look at that? Does the man have no shame? He cheats on his wife and then drags her in front of the cameras with him.' If she _doesn't_ go on the air with him, then viewers will either not notice her absence, or they'll think she's not there because she's too upset at the President. We run a risk of bad press no matter what." 

"Hmm. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter what we think, anyway. Only the First Lady knows at this point whether she's planning on making an appearance tomorrow night." 

"Sam needs to know tonight, though. The sooner the better." 

"Okay. I'll speak with the President and see if he knows. I'll get back to you guys as soon as I know anything." 

"Thanks, Leo." Toby rose to his feet and began making his way to the door. "Oh, and I _am_ sorry about this morning." 

"I appreciate that, but I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. You annoyed me, but you insulted the President." 

Toby stroked his beard as he mulled over Leo's comment. "Yeah, okay. I'll go see him. Later." 

As Toby placed his hand on the doorknob, Leo called out, "Hey, Toby. About Sam, do you think it would help if I--" 

"I told him everything would be okay. That seemed to help." 

"Good. Keep telling him that. And let me know if there's anything I could say or do for him that'd make things better." 

"Okay." Toby turned his attention back to the door before being struck by a thought. "Leo, everything _is_ going to be okay, isn't it?" 

Leo sighed and looked thoughtfully at the rumpled man standing in his office. "I certainly hope so. Not so much for us, but for Jenn. She deserves this, Toby. I know you guys just see her as this...problem we have to fix. But she's more than that; she's a little girl who never got to know her father. If I hadn't pushed Jed Bartlet to run for President, then he'd be living up the retired life in New Hampshire right now, and Jenn wouldn't have had any problems reuniting with him. So, for her sake, I really do hope that everything turns out okay." 

"Yeah." Toby's gaze fell to the floor and he watched himself scuff the carpeting with the toe of his right shoe. "Thanks, Leo." 

"Sure." 

  


* * *

  


Long after Toby had left his office, Leo remained staring at the spot where he had stood. His staff was falling apart. It wasn't new news to him. He'd seen the way Margaret had openly scowled at the President the first time they bumped into each other after she'd been told about Melanie and Jenn, so he even knew that anger towards the President extended beyond the senior staff. It was his responsibility to bring them all together again, but he was damned if he knew how he was going to accomplish that. 

He groaned as he stood up, his knees popping and creaking their disapproval at being moved. As much as he hoped everything would work out in the end, he also hoped it would all be over soon. _Very_ soon. 

Due to the lateness in hour, Leo opened the door connecting his office to the Oval Office without bothering to knock first. Jed looked up at the sound of the doorknob turning and awaited Leo's face. 

"What a day, huh, Mr. President?" Leo asked as he crossed into the Oval Office. 

Jed moaned and tossed something he'd reading on to his coffee table. "Remind me again why I wanted this job, Leo." 

"You're a glutton for punishment." 

"No, if I remember correctly -- and I know that I do -- _you_ forced me to." 

"Whatever you say," Leo dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Sir, Sam needs an answer." 

"Well, I'm often known as the man with the answers," Jed began jovially, "but why don't you give me a question to work with just to be sure I don't give you the wrong answer." 

"Sam's working on the _Dateline_ statement and needs to know if Abbey's going to appear on the show with you." 

"I don't know," Jed responded curtly. 

"Maybe you should make a quick trip to the Residence, sir, and find out. Sam really needs to know." 

"She's not there," Jed mumbled quickly, covering his mouth with a hand. 

"Excuse me? I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that." 

"She's not at the Residence, Leo," Jed repeated, grimacing as the words left his mouth. "She's in New Hampshire...at Liz's." 

Leo observed the President with wide eyes. "Does this mean she's--" 

"It means she's pissed at me," Jed snapped in disgust. "That's what it means." 

"So the girls know?" Leo asked quietly, ignoring his best friend's outburst. 

"Yeah." Jed sighed and rested his head against the top of the couch. "Abbey and I called each of them last night. I would have preferred to talk to them in person, but time hasn't been on my side for quite awhile." 

"How'd they take it?" 

"Well, I never thought it was possible for Ellie to say less than she usually does, but she managed to surprise me last night. Zoey took it pretty well. She seemed more concerned about Jenn's mental well being than anything else. And Liz...well, all Liz wanted to know was how she was supposed to explain everything to Annie. Then she asked to speak to her mother alone. Abbey flew to Liz's this morning." 

"Do you know when she's planning on coming back?" 

"No." 

"Have you talked to her at all today?" 

"I've called every chance I've had, but she hasn't returned any of my calls." 

"I'm sorry, sir." 

Jed nodded his head absently. "I never told you how Abbey reacted when I first told her about Jenn, did I? She was devastated, Leo. It killed her to know I'd been with another woman, and then for me to have a...a souvenir -- I think she actually used that term once -- from that period, well, our marriage almost didn't survive it. She never let on to Jenn how she felt about her, but I'm fairly certain she was happy when Mel wouldn't let me see Jenn anymore. But now Jenn's back and I...I think my marriage may be in trouble again." 

"Is there anything I can do?" 

"I wish there was, Leo. Thanks for offering, though." He gave Leo a half-smile and asked, "So, what are we going to do about this Sam situation?" 

"I'll get him to work around the issue of whether Abbey will be there." 

"I know Sam's a talented writer, but isn't whether Abbey's going to be on _Dateline_ with me crucial to the tone of the statement? I think we both know it's not something he can just 'work around.'" 

"Don't worry about it, sir. I'll figure something out with Sam and Toby." 

"Okay." 

"Oh, before I forget, you're probably going to get paid a little visit by Toby later on tonight. He's sorry about his behavior at this morning's staff meeting." 

"Oh, well, it's good to know that at least _Toby's_ sorry." 

"Sir?" 

Jed rolled his eyes and shot Leo his do-you-think-I'm-an-idiot look. "Did you think I haven't noticed that my entire staff is angry with me, Leo? I just spent the past twelve hours conversing with the tops of their heads because none of them can bring themselves to look me in the eyes." 

"They're just...it's... I wouldn't take it too personally, sir." 

"My staff won't look me in the eyes. Is there any other way for me to take that except personally?" 

"Okay, I'll give you that one. But..." Leo fell momentarily silent as he tried to figure out how to break some bad news to the President gently. "The staff's just feeling a little betrayed right now. When they think about you breaking your marriage vows to Abbey, they automatically replace Abbey with their mothers in their minds, and that leads them to start pondering the unthinkable about their own parents. It's an unfortunate situation, but?" 

"Ohh," Jed moaned, burying his head in hands. "Sins of the father...we're always grappling with those, aren't we?" 

"The sins of any parent tend to sting the most, sir." 

Jed removed his hands from his face and Leo was taken aback to see how moist his eyes were. In all the years they'd been friends, Leo couldn't remember ever seeing Jed so close to crying in front of him, not even when he'd told him about Mrs. Landingham's car accident. "I never stopped loving Abbey, Leo," Jed declared haltingly. "During those months when we were separated, I prayed every night that _she_ would never stop loving _me_. I also never intended to fall in love with Mel. If you'd asked me when I was twenty whether I thought I would ever love two women at the same time, I would have said you were crazy to think such a thing. But it happened. I didn't mean for it to, but it did. My heart belongs to Abbey, but a little part of it will always belong to Mel. I didn't sleep with her because I was some horny almost-divorcé. I _loved_ her. I was ready to start a whole new life with her. Love...it's such a small word but the power it has...it's pretty amazing, isn't it?" 

Examining Leo's face, Jed knew that his best friend understood exactly what he meant about the power of love, for it was love that prevented reasonable men like Leo and Toby from finding himself an apartment to live in or from removing his wedding band from his left hand. "Yes, it is, sir. But, really, try not to worry too much about the staff. Things with them will soon pass and then everything will go back to normal." 

"Oh, who do you think you're kidding, Leo?" Jed asked dryly, recovering from his melancholy. "Right now, my wife hates me, my staff hates me, and my children probably hate me, too. And speaking of children, have you seen Jenn recently? I went looking for her around noon and was told she'd gone somewhere with Ainsley. Could that be right?" 

"Oh, yeah. I sent her and Ainsley shopping." 

"Shopping?" 

"What? Women have been known to like shopping. And I figured it was better than having her sit around here doing nothing all day." 

"Gee, Leo, if I had to say who I thought was Jenn's father, I know who I'd choose." 

"I wasn't trying to step on your toes, sir," Leo replied seriously. 

"Oh, I know. Don't mind me. I'm just in a mood." 

"I should probably go speak to Sam about that statement." 

"Okay. Thanks, Leo." 

"Thank you, Mr. President." 

Leaving Jed to ponder the future of his marriage and presidency in private, Leo exited the Oval Office through the door leading out into the hallway. He saw Josh depart from the Mural Room and immediately recollected Toby's comment about how his deputy had become uncommonly quiet. "Josh," Leo beckoned as he rushed down the hall to catch up with him. 

Upon hearing his name, Josh turned to see Leo walking quickly towards him. "Hi, Leo," he welcomed with a solemn voice. "Did you need something?" 

Leo immediately noticed how sad Josh sounded. "Josh, are you okay?" 

That was apparently the wrong question to ask, for Josh's face clouded over almost immediately as he barked, "God, will you let up already? I've eaten today, really!" 

Leo's concern only deepened with this non sequitur response. "What?" 

Realizing his faux pas, Josh sheepishly looked away as his cheeks grew red. "Sorry. Donna's been asking me that all day as well as nagging me about how I haven't been eating enough, and then she keeps-- Oh, never mind. It's been a long day. _Did_ you need something, Leo?" 

"I need a favor." 

"Okay. Shoot." 

"I don't think Jenn's really dealt with her mother's death yet." 

"Okay." 

"And seeing as how your dad also died from cancer, I thought that you might be able to get her to open up about Mel's death." 

"Me?" Josh's eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

"I know she won't talk about it with me or the President, but since you two share--" 

"You think she's just going to spill her guts out to me 'cause we both happen to belong to the my-parent-died-from-cancer club?" 

Leo realized how silly he was sounding, but he continued to stare at Josh beseechingly. "Please, Josh. I know it sounds crazy, but could you at least give it a try? For me? It's not healthy for her to keep all her grief bottled up. And she doesn't really have anyone around here her age who she could just talk to." 

"I don't know, Leo." 

"Please? I'd really appreciate it." 

Josh pondered the request for a moment and decided to agree to it despite how asinine it sounded. "All right, fine. But I'm only promising to talk to her. I'm not guaranteeing any results." 

"Thanks, Josh." 

"Sure." 

"So, where are you headed to now?" 

"Uh, Toby mentioned to me that Sam could use some help with the _Dateline_ statement, so I figured I'd go down there and offer my services." 

"Well, what a coincidence. I'm headed there myself." 

Both Leo and Josh heard the laughter wafting from Sam's office long before they came in view of it. As they huddled around Sam's doorway, they saw C.J. resting on a chair, doubled over from laughing, Toby standing off in a corner, his hand over his mouth to hide his smile, and Sam sitting behind his desk, not exactly smiling, but looking much less unhinged than he had earlier in the evening. 

Upon seeing the two new arrivals, C.J. motioned for them to join them in the room as she wiped away some tears from her cheeks. "Come on in, guys. We've decided that we're going to kill ourselves at midnight by falling on our swords since the President won't fall on his. Wanna join us?" 

Josh let loose a hearty laugh in response to the question and C.J. dissolved into another fit of giggles. Leo observed the senior staff with a smile of his own and was delighted to see they had recaptured their wicked -- albeit oftentimes inappropriate -- sense of humor. 

  


* * *

  


Meanwhile, in the room next door to Zoey's, Jenn sat on the bed with her knees tucked under her chin and her arms hugging her bent legs. She found the room disturbingly silent and would have turned on the TV if she weren't afraid of disrupting the quiet. Her newly bought suit hung in the near-empty closet, and she stared impassively at it. Ainsley had advised her to look for something 'conservative' since she was to appear on TV in it, so they'd finally settled on a classic black pantsuit with just a subtle hint of pinstripes, courtesy of some fine silvery thread. When she'd seen the price, she'd balked at purchasing it -- it cost more than she usually spent on groceries for a whole month -- but Ainsley had assured her that, at a discount of 75% off, it truly was a steal. 

Shopping with Ainsley had turned out to be surprisingly painless. Jenn had been afraid the lawyer would spend the day peppering her with questions about her past, but that never transpired. At some point in her life, Ainsley had perfected the talent of going on and on about absolutely nothing, which suited Jenn just fine since she hadn't been in a very talkative mood herself. With two Secret Service agents in tow, the two women had gone to several of Ainsley's favorite stores, visited the Smithsonian as well as all the presidential memorials, and had returned to the White House around five in the afternoon. 

After ensuring that Jenn would be fine on her own, Ainsley had retreated to her office in order to check her messages and Jenn had gone in search for either Leo or her father (in that order). She received more curious looks from different staffers as she wandered through the West Wing, but no one questioned her right to be there (probably because there were already two agents stalking her every move). After awhile, she succeeded in locating an assistant who informed her, somewhat coldly, that both the President and Leo were participating in a very important meeting and could not be disturbed. With nothing left to do, she had allowed herself to be shown to the room where she currently sat. 

At around six, she had received a rushed call from her father asking her to join him for dinner. But twenty minutes later, she received another call -- this time from Charlie -- notifying her that the President had to cancel because something bad had happened somewhere and the situation required his attention. So she ate her dinner in solitude and went back to the Residence without speaking to anyone or having anyone speak to her. 

As Jenn pulled her legs closer to her chest and willed herself not to cry, she realized that, in retrospect, the sense of overwhelming loneliness she had thought she felt when she'd disembarked at the airport was actually only a shadow of the loneliness she was currently feeling. 

_(End of Part I)_


	2. Part II

"So that's it then? We're gonna go with Matthew Durkin?"

"I think he's the best choice. He's a relatively new face to the political talk show scene, but he's very well-informed on the issues, gave us some decent positive press time during the MS hearings, and he's viewed by both Democrats and Republicans alike as an open-minded, middle-of-the-road host. And I don't think middle-of-the-road is a bad place for us to be right now." 

"Besides, our list of choices was kind of sparse." 

"Hey, it's not my fault there aren't many Bartlet supporters out in the talk show world these days. Controversy is what brings in viewers, and the controversy lately hasn't been what a decent and honest man the President is." 

"We also shouldn't overlook the fact that Sam has a history with this Durkin guy." 

"A 'history'?" 

"Oh, please. Don't make it sound like more than it actually is. His sister and I dated for a couple months during my junior year in college. Matt and I would exchange a few words whenever I'd pick her up from their parents' house. That's it, all right?" 

" _Please_ tell me she was legal when you were seeing her." 

"What? Oh, give me a break, guys. She's the same age as me, if you must know. She just lived with her parents back then to save money. You've all got dirty minds." 

"Hey, we can't be too careful where you're concerned." 

"So...we're going with Durkin?" 

The playful banter between the senior staff came to an abrupt halt as the President attempted to join their conversation. Jed was dismayed to see their gazes still falling to their feet whenever he was in the vicinity. He hadn't entirely believed that his staff would return to normal during the course of only one night, but he had to admit that a small part of him had hoped that just that would occur. Toby finally cleared his throat and mumbled, "Yes, sir, we believe Durkin's show is the best one for Jenn to appear on." 

"All right. I'm sure you've all researched our options thoroughly." 

"Yes, sir." 

"Now, Sam, about this statement you've written for me to say tonight, I have a couple of concerns with it. In the second paragraph, you have me saying that--" 

"We can't use this list." 

All of the occupants in the Oval Office stopped what they were doing to turn and look at Jenn, who was sitting on one of the office's couches, her right hand holding up the 'unusable' list. Toby took a step towards her and growled, "Excuse me?" 

"You can't give this list of questions to...to...whoever it was you guys have picked to interview me. The questions suck." 

"The questions certainly do not suck," Toby retorted as he grew angry. "I'll have you know we were up until four this morning finalizing the exact wording that we wanted to use for those questions." 

"Well, I feel for the sleep deprivation you've experienced, but I hardly think that's an excuse for sub-par work." 

"I wasn't _trying_ to use that as an excuse. The only reason I even mentioned how late we worked on it was to prove that putting that list together wasn't something we took lightly. We all put a lot of time and effort into those questions." 

"Is something going on between them?" Jed whispered into Leo's ear. 

"It's nothing, sir." 

"Are you sure? 'Cause it certainly looks like something." 

"Trust me, it's nothing to worry about. Bickering just seems to be Jenn and Toby's preferred method of communication." 

"Oh, okay." 

Turning his attention to the quarrelers, Leo suggested, in hopes of quelling the potentially volatile situation, "Jenn, maybe it would help if we know what your exact objections to the questions are." 

"Okay, well, for starters, they're all leading questions." 

"What?!" Toby exclaimed in disbelief. "All those questions do is show how the President's always had your best interests at heart." 

"Yeah, and they accomplish that by _leading_ one to believe that my mother was a bad mother," Jenn seethed, the volume of her voice only a couple of notches below a shout. "You _can't_ use this list." 

"We _can_ use the list, and we _will_ use it because it contains the best questions possible." 

"Fine!" Jenn stood and crossed her arms across her chest as she glared at Toby through narrowed eyes. "It's pretty obvious to me that my opinions mean squat in this room, so I'm just going to leave and let you all return to your precious, little spinning. But be forewarned: if I'm asked those questions tomorrow, you might not like the answers I'll give." 

Jed, Leo, and the senior staff watched in stunned silence as Jenn threw open the doors leading to the portico and stomped outside. Jed winced and sighed. "That could have gone a lot better. Leo..." 

Jed didn't have to say any more, for Leo already knew what needed to be done. "We'll take care of it, Mr. President. And we'll also address any issues you have with your statement." 

"Good. Thanks, Leo." 

"Thank you, sir." 

As Leo ushered his staff out of the Oval Office, he pulled Josh aside. "This might be a good time for you and Jenn to have that conversation we discussed last night." 

"Now?" 

"I can't imagine you would have any better things to do," Leo actually managed to say with a straight face. 

"Leo," Josh whined. 

"You can think of this as one of those perks that comes with getting to be my deputy. Please, Josh?" 

"Oh...all right." 

Leo broke out into a smile of gratitude. "Thanks. Now hurry and catch up with her before she disappears into her room." 

Josh nodded and took a second to collect his thoughts before going off in search of Jenn. Once he stepped outside, he saw that, despite her quick getaway from the Oval Office, she was only about hundred yards from where he currently stood. "Jenn, hey, Jenn!" he yelled as he increased his pace to a run. 

Upon hearing her name, Jenn looked behind her to see someone racing towards her. She squinted and asked, "Josh?" 

"Hey, how ya doin'?" Josh questioned between gasps as he recovered from his sprint. 

Jenn looked at Josh curiously but aloofly replied, "I just threw a temper tantrum in the Oval Office. You?" 

Josh chuckled despite himself and then turned serious. "Look, we're about to have kind of a weird conversation, but just go with it, okay?" He paused to formulate his next thought. "I, um, I don't know if Leo's already told you this but...my father also died from cancer." 

Jenn's expression fell flat as she muttered, "I'm sorry." 

"Th-thank you. He...was diagnosed with prostate cancer and was undergoing chemo and seemed to be all right, but he ended up passing away while I was on the campaign trail to get your father elected." 

"That...uh...that must have been difficult...not being there...at the end." 

"Yeah, it...it was. Anyway, the reason I'm even mentioning this at all is that I just...I wanted to let you know that if you ever want to talk to somebody about your mom's death...or anything else, I'm here." He hesitated for a moment before jokingly adding, "Literally. 'Cause, you know, I rarely ever go home these days." 

Jenn stared back at Josh blankly, uncertain of how she should respond. Was he really suggesting that the two of them should have a heart-to-heart chat about their parents' deaths? Even she wasn't that morbid. "Uh...thanks, Josh. I'll...keep that in mind." 

"Really?" Josh asked as he completely failed in hiding his surprise. He'd half-expected Jenn to read him the riot act for suggesting such a strange idea. "Oh, well, that's...that's great. You wouldn't happen to want to have this talk now, would you?" 

He breathed a sigh of relief when Jenn firmly stated, "No." 

"Oh, okay." He chuckled uneasily and began fidgeting with the way his jacket was hanging on his body. "Just thought I'd check." 

They stared at one another in an awkward silence, each frantic for the conversation to be over, before Josh stuttered, "Well, I, uh, I should get back to work." 

"Okay." 

Josh turned around and promptly scrunched his face together into the sour lemon expression as he began making his way back to the West Wing. The things he was sometimes asked to do as Deputy Chief of Staff never ceased to amaze him. 

  


* * *

  


"President Bartlet, do you have anything to say to those who claim you should resign since you are clearly lacking the morals to carry out the duties associated with your job as President of the United States?" 

"People are really saying all that? 'Cause I know of a few organizations who'll tell you that I'm _much_ too moral for their comfort," Jed quipped as he stood behind a wooden lectern. Polite laughter rippled through the press seated before him, but he knew they were all dying to hear what his answer would be. "But seriously, Paul, I have no intention of resigning. As I have made plainly clear tonight, I am a man who has made several mistakes in the past for which I deeply regret. However, I do not believe that these particular mistakes or regrets impinge on my ability to be President. I love my children. I love my wife. And I love my country. I have no doubt that the American people understand that the relationship I am forging with Jennifer Erickson is a private matter and one that is completely separate from my presidential duties." 

As Josh watched Jed's response on one of the TVs in his bullpen, he groaned and mumbled, "You've got to be kidding me." 

"It wasn't that bad, Josh," Donna informed him as she walked towards him with an arm full of files. "I thought he handled himself pretty well. It was a tough question." 

"It was a question we knew he'd be asked! It was one of the few questions we actually prepared an answer for him to say! But did he give the prepared answer? No!" 

"Well, I still don't think it was that bad," Donna stated stubbornly. "And stop yelling. People are tired and you yelling doesn't help." 

Josh glared at his assistant in annoyance before shifting his gaze to the nearest wall clock. "What are you still doing here? It's past midnight." 

Donna shrugged and began distributing the files into various office mailboxes. "You needed my help, so I stuck around." 

"But it's after midnight." 

"I know." Donna turned and smiled warmly at her weary boss. "Don't worry about it. I don't mind sticking around." 

Josh sighed and roughly rubbed his eyes. "It's late, Donna. You should go home." 

"It's okay. I don't mind--" 

"Go home, Donna," Josh snapped. When he saw how his brusque tone had wounded her, he winced and gave her a lopsided grin. "Look, if how I'm feeling right now is any indication of how I'll be feeling tomorrow, then I need you to go home and get some rest so that at least one of us is lucid tomorrow. Okay?" 

Josh's exhausted voice worried Donna, but she acquiesced to his request without putting up any more of a fight. "You sure you'll be okay if I leave?" 

"Donna, believe it or not, I am actually able to fend for myself when you're not around." 

Donna laughed as she began gathering her things. "You'll try and get some sleep tonight if you can, right?" 

"Yes, Mom." 

"I'm serious, Josh. You _need_ to get some sleep -- some _real_ sleep that involves more than just one hour of resting your eyes." 

"I'll try," he replied obediently. 

"Okay." She reached out and lightly touched his forearm as she brushed past him. "I'll see you tomorrow then." 

"Night." 

Josh watched Donna walk away from him until she was no longer in sight. Feeling as if he had fifty pound weights strapped around his waist, he turned his attention back to the TV sets and observed Jed contend with another sticky question. Even though the press conference had ended over an hour ago and he had repeatedly watched different news stations air various snippets of the conference as well as the President's _Dateline_ appearance (which had, to the senior staff's surprise, included the First Lady), Josh still couldn't keep himself from grimacing. At least the worst was almost over; now all they needed was for Jenn to make it through her TV interview with a minimal amount of damage. He poured himself the last cup of coffee remaining at the West Wing coffee station and began making his way towards the Oval Office, where Jenn was going through a 'dress rehearsal' of her television debut. 

He hadn't walked very far when he heard, "'I love my children. I love my wife. And I love my country.' What the hell was that?" 

Josh turned around to see Sam covering the distance between them in long strides. "It was Bartlet being Bartlet." 

"It was Bartlet being a self-righteous bastard, which is a luxury we don't have anymore," Sam retorted icily. 

"Donna doesn't think the answer was that bad." 

"Donna's too nice to know whether or not it was bad." 

"Or maybe we're the ones who are too angry to know the difference." He paused long enough for Sam to stare at him incredulously before adding, "I'm just saying." 

"You going to the Oval Office?" 

"Of course. It's like my second home these days." 

"Yeah." 

They continued on for a short distance in silence before Josh asked, "Do you know what the press has dubbed tonight's disclosure? Sexgate. They're actually calling it Sexgate, which, I guess, is better than, you know, calling it Affairgate or Adulterergate because the latter names immediately bring to mind an image of a lecherous President. With Sexgate, some of the less informed public might just think they have an extremely virile President who doesn't need Viagra, which might not be such a bad thing." 

Sam furrowed his eyebrows and looked as if someone had just asked him to roll around in elephant dung. "Are we really discussing the President's sex life? Because on my list of things I really don't want to talk about, that's right up there with discussing how my parents conceived me." 

Josh chuckled but then fell silent. "Hey, where did you disappear to this afternoon?" he eventually asked. "I went looking for you but couldn't find you." 

"Oh, uh, C.J. let me crash on her couch for a couple hours." 

"Wow, that was nice of her. There must have been something in the water today because Donna cleared an hour in my schedule for me to lock myself away in my office and rest undisturbed." 

"Donna's great. You're lucky to have her." 

"Yeah, I am." 

There was something wistful in Josh's voice that forced Sam to shoot him a sideways glance of alarm. "Josh, what are you thinking?" 

"What?" 

"I know you, Josh. I know what it means when you get that particular cadence in your voice. She's your assistant." 

"I know." 

"And as her boss, there are certain boundaries that you're not supposed to cross." 

"I _know_. God, can't I be thankful for Donna without it turning into a sexual overture?" 

"Yes, you can, but be careful. You're skating on thin ice, my friend." 

"You can be really infuriating, Sam, you know that?" 

"Yeah, but that's what makes me so lovable." 

Josh scoffed loudly as he and Sam entered the outer office to the Oval Office. Charlie looked up from the textbook he was reading and silently motioned for the two deputies to go on in. They entered the Oval Office just in time to hear Jenn drone, "...and the President welcomed me to his family with open arms." 

C.J. and Toby exchanged pointed looks with one another before she stammered, "Uh, that was...that was good, Jenn. You nailed the answer that's written down on this sheet, but, um, you're sounding a little...rehearsed, and rehearsed isn't what we're aiming for." 

"Really?" Jenn asked in mock surprise. "Well, then, do you think that maybe we should stop, oh, I don't know... _rehearsing_?" She proceeded to roll her eyes in a dramatic fashion. 

"How's it going?" Sam murmured to Toby as he took a seat next to him. 

"Oh, she's being her usual pain-in-the-ass self," Toby grumbled back. 

Sensing that Jenn was about to go off into another tirade, Leo took control of the situation and stated, "This seems like a good time to take a break. Let's go over Jenn's schedule for tomorrow. C.J.?" 

C.J. rifled through some papers in her lap before finding the memo Carol had written up earlier in the day. "Okay, Jenn's set to appear on _Full Circle with Matthew Durkin_. The live shoot begins at three, so she should probably get there no later than 2:15." 

"And Toby's going to accompany her there, right?" Jed asked. He was so secure with his assumption that his mind wandered to thoughts of his wife before waiting for the answer. At Leo's suggestion, Jed had attempted to open a line of communication with Abbey both before and after his press conference. While she had been warm and agreeable during their _Dateline_ appearance, she'd immediately turned frigid after the cameras had stopped rolling. Every time he'd approach her, she'd inform him that the only reason she had decided to appear beside him on TV was for the sake of their children and not him. So, convinced that his marriage was in shambles, Jed had returned to his office with a renewed determination to be a good father to Jenn. He found, however, that this didn't prevent him from thinking about Abbey every chance he got. 

C.J. squinted and frowned at the piece of paper in her hand. "Um, actually, according to this schedule, Sam's going to be the one who'll accompany Jenn to the show." 

At the mention of his name, Sam looked up in surprise but remained silent. 

"What?" Jed forced his mind to return to the topic at hand. "That's got to be a typo." 

"It's not a typo, sir," Leo replied. "Toby and I decided that Sam should be the one to go because Toby's needed here." 

"Oh, really?" Jed asked, his voice brimming with sarcasm. "You and Toby came up with that brilliant idea all by yourselves?" 

"Mr. President," Leo said with a sigh, "Sam is more than capable to--" 

"I'm well aware of his capabilities, Leo, and, no offense to you, Sam, but I think we can all agree that Toby is the one who should--" 

"But Toby _can't_ go tomorrow because we need--" 

"Dammit, Leo, show me where it says that my Director of Communications cannot accompany my daughter to--" 

"I know why they don't want him to come with me," Jenn remarked as she stared at the Presidential Seal on the carpeting. While Jed and Leo had been interrupting each other's sentences, she had been listening to them with keen ears and had been able to decipher what Leo wasn't saying. "If I totally screw up on the show tomorrow, it'll look better for this administration if Sam was the one who accompanied me because it'll imply that you guys never really took me that seriously and that's why I was sent down there with a deputy rather than a director." She raised her eyes from the floor and stoically stared at the senior staff. "Thanks for the support, guys," she said flatly. "It's really overwhelming." And with that, she rose from her seat and walked out of the office into the hallway, slamming the door behind her. 

They watched her leave and Josh couldn't help pointing at the door and asking, "Has anyone else noticed she has a really bad habit of doing that?" 

Jed covered his face with his hands and groaned. "I guess someone should go after her and make sure she's all right," he mumbled through the cracks between his fingers. 

"Oh, we have bigger fish to fry," C.J. mumbled under her breath as she pushed her glasses on to the top of her head. 

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean, C.J.?" Jed asked in annoyance. 

"It means, sir," she began, mimicking his annoyed tone, "that we quizzed her on these questions for almost 45 minutes, and she never once referred to you as 'dad,' 'father,' 'pop,' or any of those other fatherly euphemisms people like to use. It was always 'him,' 'he', or 'the President.' If we can't get her to appear as if she likes you a little bit, then it really doesn't matter who the hell accompanies her to the show tomorrow 'cause we'll be dead in the water. Viewers and the press will immediately latch on to her coldness towards you and they'll start thinking that you strong-armed her into going on TV in a pathetic attempt to save your job." 

"What do you suggest I should do then?" 

"I don't know, sir, but we're running out of time." 

The group fell silent as they mulled over C.J.'s last words. "Maybe we should call it a night," Leo proposed quietly. "I'll go find Jenn and make sure she's okay, but the rest of you should just call it a night. Especially you, C.J. You're going to have a tough day tomorrow and you need your rest." 

"I think I'll stick around for a bit," Sam announced. "I've fallen behind in my workload and wanna do a little catching up." 

"Sam, don't push yourself," Leo cautioned. 

"It's okay. All I need is a cup of coffee and then I'll be as good as new." 

Josh's eyes grew large as he looked down at the cup in his hand. "I, uh, I might have just taken the last of the coffee," he admitted meekly. 

"Well, didn't you make a new pot? 'Cause you know you're supposed to make a new pot when you're the one who finishes one up," Sam griped. 

"Yeah, I usually make Donna do that, but I sent her home." 

Sam threw his head back in an exaggerated expression of pain while C.J. patted him sympathetically on the back and Toby tried to suppress his grin. 

"Go to the mess," the President ordered, ignoring his staff's antics because he wasn't in the mood to enjoy or encourage them. "You can probably find some there." 

Sam straightened up and gave a short nod. "Thank you, sir." 

"So, we'll adjourn until tomorrow morning, Mr. President?" Leo asked. 

"Yeah, fine." 

"Good night, sir," they said in unison as they departed from the Oval Office with Sam calling Josh an ignoramic caffeine moocher. 

  


* * *

  


It was a few minutes past one in the morning when Sam descended down into the basement in search of coffee. The hallway leading to the mess was dimly lit, and he could hear the rev of a vacuum cleaner on the other side of the building. Even though the President had butchered the answer he'd written for him to say in response to the question of whether he would resign, Sam's thoughts weren't focused on that or the President or Jenn or whether he would still have a job fifteen months from now. No, his mind was full of Lisa. 

He'd stepped out of his shower that morning (or, more technically, yesterday morning) and had immediately thought of Lisa. It'd been almost a whole year since he'd had even a passing thought about her, so it bothered him that she'd managed to plague him for almost twenty-four hours straight. As he had done a final run through of the President's _Dateline_ statement with him, he'd been thinking about Lisa. As he had watched the President and First Lady look straight into a camera and discuss their marital problems with an audience of thousands, he'd been thinking about Lisa. And now, as he was on a mission of great importance (because when isn't getting coffee an important mission?), he was thinking about Lisa. It was driving him crazy. 

He hadn't thought about her in a year, and it had been an even longer span of time since they'd last spoken. So, what had changed? Sam wasn't sure, but he supposed it might be because he missed her. Even though they hadn't ended their relationship on good terms, he knew a part of him would always love her. After all, he'd been ready to marry her, and that had to count for something. He wondered how things would have turned out if he and Lisa had remained together, if Josh hadn't swept into New York and rekindled his dream of putting 'the real thing' in the Oval Office. He probably wouldn't have stayed with Gage Whitney Page because he'd already known for months that he wasn't happy there, but perhaps he would have moved on to a different firm, maybe even joining Lisa at her father's firm, as she'd suggested numerous times. Sam wasn't a man who questioned his past decisions. He didn't believe in hashing and then rehashing over every minute detail in his life as he pondered what might have been/could have been/should have been. But now, at 1:08 am, he found himself doing exactly that. 

As he rounded a corner, his ears perked up as he heard the sound of a piano mingling with the vacuum cleaner's whir. The closer he got to the entrance of the mess, the louder the music grew until he could also make out a woman singing along with the music in a clear alto. As he walked into the mess, Sam saw that, off in a far corner, Jenn was seated in front of an up-right piano, singing the most melancholic rendition of 'Bridge over Troubled Waters' he'd ever heard. 

Her hands slowly caressed the keys and she wistfully sang, "...When darkness comes and pain is all around, like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down. Like a bridge over trouble water I will lay me down." 

Sensing that he was intruding on a private moment, Sam tried to back out of the room without drawing any attention to himself. However, since he was endowed with the power of the pen and not the lightness of the feet, he accidentally tripped over a chair and dragged it along the floor for a couple of inches, its feet loudly screeching their anger at being moved in such a manner. 

The music instantly ceased and Sam untangled his leg from the chair to see Jenn staring at him, a look of horrified terror on her face. 

"I'm-I'm sorry," he spluttered. "I didn't mean to-- I wasn't trying-- I...I needed coffee and Josh drank all of our coffee upstairs," he said lamely. 

Jenn just continued staring at him. 

"But I'm gonna go 'cause you're here and I'm interrupting." Sam attempted once more to vacate the mess. 

Jenn snapped out of her reverie and shook her head, an amused smile creeping on to her face. "Sam," she called out, "come back. You don't have to leave. This place is more yours than it is mine. Anyway, I think there's a fresh pot of coffee back there." 

Sam made a beeline for where she was pointing and located the coffeemaker on the counter next to one of the stainless steel refrigerators. He poured himself a full cup and then walked hesitantly back in Jenn's direction. She'd turned her attention back to the piano and was idly playing a simple tune with her right hand when he pulled a chair out and sat beside her. "That was really beautiful what you were singing before," he murmured. 

"Thank you." Her cheeks unconsciously blushed at the compliment. 

"No, really, I mean it. You have a really nice voice. And with the piano, you've got a whole one-woman lounge act going on. If you just punched it up with a little Prozac, you could have a real--" Sam cut himself off as he realized what he had just said. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, Jenn. I didn't mean--" 

"It's okay, Sam," she assured him gently. "Don't worry about curbing the mental health jokes on my behalf. I've told enough of them in my lifetime to make me pretty resilient to them." 

Sam silently cursed his stupidity as he took a sip of coffee. "I didn't even know there's a piano in here. I've worked here for three years and never noticed it. You've been here for what? Three days? And yet you've managed to find the hidden treasure, so to speak. Guess that doesn't say much for my observation skills." 

"Well, I've had some extra time on my hands lately," she replied lightly. 

"Where'd you learn how to play?" 

"Oh, um," Jenn scratched an inch on her temple and then tucked some hair behind her left ear, "my landlady lived above me and my mom, and she's a piano teacher. I spent a lot of time up at her place when I was younger and my mom would kind of...forget to come home. I think she taught me how to play so that I'd keep my mind occupied." 

"Well, she's a good teacher." 

"And a good woman." Jenn turned and gave Sam a small smile, her right cheek dimpling as the corners of her mouth moved upwards. 

Sam lowered his lips to the rim of the cup in his hands, deep in thought. It was disconcerting to see this quiet, less abrasive side of Jenn. He knew he was probably going to regret asking her the question currently running through his head, but the inquisitive side of him wouldn't let him keep it in. "Jenn, I...I know this is none of my business -- and you can tell me to mind my own bee's wax -- but...what was it like?" 

"What was what like?" 

"What was it like growing up knowing that you had a father on the other side of the country you weren't allowed to get to know?" 

Jenn closed her eyes and chuckled mirthlessly. 

"Did I say something funny?" Sam asked in confusion. 

"No one ever forbade me from getting to know my father." 

"But Leo told us that--" 

"Sam, by the time I was fourteen, I was the one running the show in my family. My mom still signed all the checks and the bills were still sent to her, but I was the one who wrote the checks out and I was the one who figured out which bills we had to pay and which ones we could let slide a little bit longer. It's true that, at the very beginning -- when I was ten -- my mother _did_ threaten to spirit me off somewhere if the President didn't back off. But as I got older, she...became a little less stable, and I... Well, let's just say that if I'd wanted to write him a letter or give him a call, she couldn't have stopped me." 

Sam's mouth fell slightly open in surprise, and his forgotten coffee grew cool in his hand. "Then, as much as I hate to sound like Ainsley, why didn't you ever try to contact your dad?" 

"I don't know." Jenn removed her hand from the keyboard and gazed pensively at the music stand. "I guess the desire to want a father lessened as the years passed. And I think there was a part of me that never got over being that ten year old girl who had a father for a few months, only to be abandoned by him without a second thought. But I think the main reason I never tried to contact him was because I realized that, for better or worse, it was me and my mom against the world, not me, my mom, and this guy from New Hampshire who could, at best, visit on the weekends. Sure, my mom and I had our problems like any mother-daughter pair do, but we were always there for each other. I looked after her and she looked after me. My mom had her faults, Sam, but...she was a great mother. She really was." Jenn dropped her head and didn't brush any strands of hair away as they fell around her face after coming dislodged from behind her ears. She could feel the tears building up in her eyes and she had to will herself not to begin crying. 

A shield of hair now prevented Sam from seeing her face and he felt terrible for making her dredge up all these painful memories, but he couldn't stop himself from asking, "What about when you found out Jed Bartlet was running for President? Leo told us that it was your mom who forbid him from contacting you anymore." 

"Yeah, that was, um, that was me. I was the one who started sending back Uncle Leo's letters and hanging up on him when he'd call. One afternoon, I pretended that I was sneaking him a phone call and told him that my mom was freaking out and threatening all sorts of things if he didn't stop trying to contact me." 

"Why? Did you just get sick of Leo hanging around or something?" 

"What? No, I love Leo. The fact that Uncle Leo was so reachable probably played a huge role in why I never tried to contact my dad as I got older. Severing ties with Uncle Leo was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. When I got back home after finding out that my father wanted to run for President, I told my mom. She _did_ freak out when she heard the news, but not in the angry sense like I led Uncle Leo to believe. She just...she broke down crying. She was convinced that once my father got elected President -- and she never had a doubt that he'd get elected -- he'd sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to the White House to live the privileged life of a President's daughter. I tried to convince her that I wasn't going anywhere, that I couldn't give a rat's ass how high up the political ladder my father went, but she wouldn't be dissuaded. She didn't calm down until I promised her that I would stop all communications with Uncle Leo as proof of how I wasn't ever going to leave her." The tears returned to Jenn's eyes, forcing her to squeeze her eyes shut. "And I didn't. I stayed by her side all the way through to the end. On the day she died, she'd already been in the hospital for almost two weeks. She was having some problems swallowing solid foods, so I was feeding her some yogurt when I looked away for a second. I don't remember why I looked away...maybe something out in the hallway caught my eye. All I know is that when I looked back at her, she was just staring up at me. It didn't occur to me right away that she had...passed on. But when I gave her a little nudge and she didn't blink, I...I knew. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and watched as her lifeless eyes watched me. It was at that moment that, for the first time in years, I actually wanted my father. I wanted him to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be all right. So I flew out here. Maybe I should've called first." 

Sam's eyes grew damp as he watched Jenn open her eyes and begin gnawing on her lower lip. Her last sentence -- the plaintive 'Maybe I should've called first' -- struck a chord with him. Why should she _have_ to worry about whether or not she should have called first? He wanted to console her in some way -- perhaps tell her that everything was going to be all right -- but he didn't know how to broach the subject without sounding like a jerk. So he instead pretended to be fascinated by something to his right in order to provide Jenn with some time to recompose herself. After a few minutes had come and gone, he looked back in her direction and saw that her eyes had dried and her cheeks were no longer flushed. 

"Your coffee's getting cold," she informed him softly as she sensed him scrutinizing her. 

Sam glanced down at the cup and smiled. "Doesn't matter. I probably shouldn't be consuming that much caffeine anyway if I plan on sleeping at all tonight." Sneaking a peek at Jenn, he added, "Hey, do you want me to help you run through your questions for tomorrow?" 

While she appreciated the offer, she couldn't help raising an eyebrow. "You don't have better things to do with your time? I'm sure you're swamped with work." 

"I am, but I don't mind making time to help you." 

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm, uh, I'm gonna pass. I think I'd rather just stay down here a little longer." 

"Okay, but you should try and get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow." 

Sam was sounding so concerned for her that Jenn found herself on the verge of tears again. "I could say the same for you, Mr. Seaborn," she countered with a laugh. 

"Sleep? What's that?" Stretching his back he stood, Sam tossed his half-empty cup into the nearest trashcan. "Well, I'm gonna go. You sure you'll be okay down here?" 

"Yeah, I'll be fine." 

"Okay. You know where to find me if you change your mind about wanting some company. Good night." 

"Night. Oh, and, uh, Sam? Could we keep the stuff I just told you about Leo and why I had to cut him off to ourselves? I just, um...I don't think telling him the truth would do any good at this point." 

"Yeah, sure. No problem." Sam started to walk away before turning back around, a serious expression dominating his face. "Jenn, the thing you should know about me is that, even though I may bumble around here, tripping over things and acting all...geeky, I'm actually really good at what I do, so you shouldn't worry about going to the show with me tomorrow instead of Toby." 

Jenn gazed into his eyes and truthfully replied, "I was never worried." 

"Oh. Good." 

He was about to begin exiting the mess again when he heard Jenn continue on to say, "And the thing you should know about me, Sam, is that I'm not usually such a pain. I know I've been a real jerk since I showed up here, but I'm not like that. I'm usually a very mellow, happy-go-lucky kind of girl. And I hardly ever yell. Much." She broke out into a huge grin as she said the last word. 

Sam chuckled and shook his head as the corners of his eyes crinkled into laugh lines. "Don't stay up too late, Jenn." 

"I won't. Thanks, Sam...for everything." 

  


* * *

  


"We need to stop." 

Without looking up from the papers strewn all over his desk, Josh stated, "Well, I'm all for that, but since I'd also really like to sleep in my own bed tonight, I'm gonna have to pass." 

"What?" Sam stepped into Josh's office, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. "I'm serious, Josh. I think we need to stop being mad at the President." 

Josh looked up without moving his head and eyed his friend. "Sam, what are you--" 

"No, hear me out. I've been thinking about this and I know we're all angry with him and I think we have every right to be, but he's...he's..." 

"Not your father?" Josh offered as he finally raised his head and leaned back in his chair. 

Sam stood motionless for a second, shocked that Josh had read his mind so easily. "How did you..." 

"'Cause I know you, Sam. And you're right, Jed Bartlet _isn't_ your father. He didn't have an affair with a woman for twenty-some odd years and build a home with her across town from his wife and child. But the President _did_ lie to us and deceive us, and for that, I think all of us have every right to be as angry with him as we want to be." 

"And no one's more upset with him than I am!" Sam exclaimed before sighing and dropping his head. "But...would it have made a difference if he'd told us? I mean, let's say that, not long after you'd brought me on-board and Toby had brought on C.J., the President ushered us into a room and told us about how he'd had an affair and that there was a daughter of his out there who no one knew existed. Would knowing that have made you go back to Hoynes? Because I don't think I would've gone back to Gage Whitney. After all, isn't an imperfect something better than a perfect nothing?" 

Josh brushed some nonexistent hair away from his forehead and stared intently at Sam as he wondered exactly how many cups of coffee he'd consumed while down in the mess. But rather than ask that particular question, he grinned impishly. "That last question sounded a lot better in your head than when it just came out of your mouth, didn't it?" 

"Yeah," Sam admitted begrudgingly. Looking out into the empty hallway, he asked, "C.J. go home?" 

"Yeah. Toby practically had to shove her out the door, but she finally left. What about you? Any plans to follow her lead?" 

"Uh, yeah, eventually. But I've got this thing about women in the military to write and I want to go through some of the research Cathy put together for me." 

"Women in the military?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well, you know, they -- the women -- are there. In the military." 

"Gee, Josh, what would I do without all your help?" 

"That's why they pay me the big bucks." 

Sam snorted and leaned against the doorframe. "You better make sure C.J. doesn't hear you say that." When the moment of levity passed, he looked Josh squarely in the eyes and declared, "I still think we need to stop being mad." 

"Duly noted." 

"Okay." And with that, Sam disappeared into the shadowy hallway. 

  


* * *

  


With exactly three hours, twenty-three minutes, and twelve seconds left until she would appear on _Full Circle_ , Jenn sat cross-legged on the bed in her room. Lying on the comforter in front of her was the revised list of questions she was going to be asked by Matt Durkin. She'd gone over each of the questions and their respective answers so many times that she was certain she could write them all out by hand off the top of her head. 

At around three in the morning, she'd been petrified, convinced she was going to make a fool out of herself and the administration by completely botching her interview. But now she'd moved on to a state of determined confidence. She was going to go on TV, smile pretty for the cameras, and dazzle them all with her eloquence and poise. "Yeah, that's right," she mumbled to herself in a half-hearted attempt to pump up her spirits. Yes, she'd moved on to a state of determined confidence. It was just too bad that the cynical half of her wouldn't shut up and let her delude herself into believing that her interview and everything associated with it would go off without a hitch. As she picked up the list of questions and began re-memorizing the first question, one of the agents standing outside her door knocked and said, "Ms. Erickson? Toby Ziegler has asked for you to join him in his office as soon as possible." 

Jenn tossed the list onto the floor with gusto and breathed a sigh of relief. She was so tired of looking at and reciting the contents of the list that even seeing sour-faced Toby was a welcome distraction. "Coming," she called out as she shrugged off the robe she'd been wearing over her T-shirt and jeans and pulled on an oversized gray sweatshirt with the word 'Cal' printed across the chest in big, navy letters. 

She flung open the door and stepped out into the hall, still tickled by how the two agents fell into step behind her without a moment's hesitation, as if it was the most natural thing for them to do. She silently led them through various corridors as she made her way to Toby's office. People appeared to be especially busy in the West Wing, with staffers marching through the hallways absorbed in whatever folders or documents they happened to have in their hands. As Jenn watched them whiz by her and around each other, she realized that many of them were probably so busy because of what the President had admitted on national television last night. She was surprised people weren't hissing at her for making their lives more difficult. But she was even more surprised when she came face to face with a tall blonde woman. They were walking in opposite directions down a narrow passageway towards one another and could not avoid making eye contact. The woman smiled warmly when their eyes met, which slightly unnerved Jenn; it was just so much easier to prepare for everyone hating you than for people to be nice and welcoming. Jenn recognized the blonde and vaguely recalled Leo introducing them to each other. She remembered her having a funny name, something Italian-sounding. Isabella? Belladora? 

"Hi, Jenn," the woman greeted her as she stretched out her hand. "You probably don't remember me. I'm Donna, Josh's assistant." 

Jenn shook the proffered hand and smiled as the name Donnatella Moss flashed in her mind. "Hi, Donna. It's nice to see you again." 

"Are you on your way to see the President?" 

"No. I'm, uh, going to see Toby. He summoned me to his office." 

Donna chuckled knowingly and said, "Yeah, he's good at that." 

"So I'm learning." 

"Well, I don't want to delay you any further. Good luck this afternoon. I'm sure you'll do fine." 

"Thank you." 

The two women squeezed past each other and Jenn stopped to look over her shoulder at Donna's back, her blonde hair swishing from side to side. It felt nice to know that someone other than the senior staff (who had ulterior motives of their own for doing so) were rallying behind her. 

Toby's door was open when she arrived at his office, so she stepped inside and announced lightheartedly, "Private Erickson reporting for duty, sir." 

"Sit," he ordered without bothering to look up from the piece of paper he was reading. 

She obeyed and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "So, what am I here to do?" she asked, still making an effort to sound happy and hopeful. "Help you devise a plan on how to rid the world of destructive right-wing-ism?" 

Toby raised his head high enough so that he could look at her as if she was crazy. "We're going to go over your questions one more time." 

Jenn threw her head back and groaned. "I know the questions, Toby." 

"You know the questions?" 

"Yes. I know the questions and the answers forwards and backwards. And if I was able to do a headstand, I could even say I know them upside-down. I've done nothing but study them since I was given the revised set yesterday afternoon. I really don't need to go over them again." 

"So, you think you know them?" 

"Yes." 

"And you're telling me that you think you'd do fine if you were to go on the show right now?" 

"Yes." 

"You'd be fine even if Durkin changed the wording of the questions on you or decided to ask you five questions in a row without giving you a chance to answer so that you'd get confused and stumble over your response?" 

"Yes." This time her answer came out more as a question than a statement. 

"Well, then, let's just go over them one more time for my peace of mind." 

"Okay," she yielded meekly. 

"Good." Toby dug through a stack of papers on his desk before finding the list. "Pretend I'm Durkin. Ms. Erickson, how do you feel about--" 

"Toby, we've got a situation." Ginger appeared in his doorway, a look of foreboding on her face. 

"I don't care. Take care of it," he snarled. 

"It's Sam. He's having a minor meltdown in the Roosevelt Room. Something about dumping truckloads of manure in there. Maybe you should go check on him." 

Toby rolled his eyes for he knew the reference to manure was a comment Sam liked to make when he was unhappy with his writing. "Tell Sam to take a deep breath and get a grip. I'll go over there as soon as I can." 

"Okay," Ginger replied, her tone clearly implying that she thought Toby was making a huge mistake. But she left without saying another word. 

Toby turned his attention back to Jenn and resumed role-playing. "Ms. Erickson, how do you feel about being in Washington, D.C. right now?" 

Jenn uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair, which was a technique C.J. had taught her to utilize when she wanted to appear alert and engaging. "Well, first of all, I'm very grateful to the First Family for providing me with such a warm welcome. This has, understandably, been a stressful time for all involved and I'm, of course, still grieving over the death of my mother, but everyone has been so kind and thoughtful that there really isn't anywhere else I'd rather be than in D.C." 

Toby frowned as he stared hard at the document in his hand. "That's not what's written." 

Jenn made a face of exasperation. "I thought it'd sound more natural and less prepared in my own words. I got the gist of the answer right, didn't I?" 

"Yeah, let's try to stick to what's been written. Next question: How do you think--" 

"Toby, you need to get to the Roosevelt Room _now_." Ginger's voice was overflowing with anxiety. "Sam's barricaded himself in there with Ed and Larry, and is tearing every piece of paper he can find into shreds and then tossing them up in the air. Ed and Larry are beginning to get that wild-animal-stuck-in-a-cage look." 

Toby croaked out a sound that was an odd combination of dismay and disgust as he shoved his chair backwards. "Stay. Don't move," he commanded Jenn as he rushed out of the room. 

"I'm not a dog," Jenn muttered in annoyance, but her words fell on deaf ears for both Toby and Ginger had left the area. 

Two minutes passed. Then five, and then ten. Growing impatient as well as bored, Jenn rose to her feet and began exploring Toby's office. There wasn't much to see, however, for Toby kept even fewer personal effects in his office than Leo did. His bookcases were crammed full of books, journals, and reports pertaining to topics she wasn't particularly interested in. As she walked behind his desk, a piece of paper with red ink scrawled all over it caught her eye. Glimpsing to her right and left to make sure she wasn't being watched, Jenn leaned down and took a closer look. It appeared to be a draft of either a speech or a position statement of some sort. The topic seemed to have something to do with education and the role of teacher unions, and as scintillating as that sounded, what really drew Jenn in was the split infinitive she spotted in the third paragraph. 

Grabbing a pencil from off the desk, Jenn made the correction with a look of bliss on her face. She hadn't intended to do any more than that, but the next thing she knew, she'd grabbed Toby's chair and was scooting it closer to the desk. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she settled into the seat and hunched over the desktop as she began carefully reading the document from the beginning. And that was how Toby found her when he returned to his office seven minutes later. 

"What are you doing?" he demanded in a loud bark that caused Jenn's hand to jump and scratch a ragged pencil line across the page. 

"Oh, uh, hi," she replied timidly as she scrambled out of his chair and back over to the other side of the desk. "Is Sam okay?" 

"He's fine," Toby dismissed, although the obvious concern in Jenn's voice caught his attention. When had those two gotten so close? "What were you doing in my chair?" 

"Oh, I was, uh...um... Well, I was just looking around to kill some time and noticed that piece of paper down there. I saw one minor grammatical error, so I thought I'd be nice and make the correction. But then I got to thinking that maybe I could be of help to you, so I decided to do a quick proofread. Sorry if that was inappropriate. I was really only trying to help. I guess I'm just an eighth grade English teacher at heart. Don't have the patience to be one for real, though." She smiled sheepishly at the end of her explanation and hoped Toby wouldn't get upset. 

"So, in other words, you chose to snoop around my desk and deface other people's property," Toby stated coldly. 

"Deface?!" Jenn rolled her eyes and could feel her stomach beginning to churn with anger. "Oh, c'mon. You can't call it that. I even wrote all my comments in pencil, for pete's sake. And don't even act like I didn't just do you a favor. That speech -- or whatever it is -- was a mess." 

Toby scowled at her as he sat down in his chair and briefly glanced at the document currently being discussed. From his quick glimpse down, he could see a slew of gray pencil markings and arrows intermingling with his red pen scribbles. It looked like she'd managed to do quite a bit of work on it. 

Jenn crossed her arms and waited impatiently for the harsh rebuttal she was sure Toby would throw her way. But he remained surprisingly silent. "So, Sam's really okay?" 

"Yeah. He's just a little stressed. We all are." His tone clearly implied that she was the culprit for all their problems. 

Jenn shuddered and looked away guiltily. "Are we going to continue going through the questions?" she asked as she plopped down into a chair. 

Toby looked at his watch and grimaced. He'd spent the thirty minutes he'd set aside for the question rehearsal calming Sam down, and now he was late for a meeting. "Oh, forget it," he huffed. "If you don't know the questions and answers by now, it's too late to do anything about it. Why don't you just go back to your room and pretty yourself up for the cameras." 

A series of colorful adjectives ran through her head as she gritted her teeth together. "Fine," she spat out. She stomped out of the office and brought a smile to Ginger's lips when she muttered under her breath, "Damn sexist pig." 

When Jenn was out of sight, Toby shook his head in disbelief. "Eighth grade English teacher," he muttered derisively. He flipped his pencil upside-down and was about to erase all of the work she'd put into the speech when he noticed that she'd crossed out half of the second paragraph, moved what was left to the sixth paragraph, and wrote a snappy transition to what had been the third paragraph. Dropping the pencil back on to his desk, he propped his head up with his right hand and read through all the changes she'd made. As much as he hated to admit it, the speech _had_ been a mess. He'd been pulling out what hair remained on his head that very morning as he'd attempted to produce a decent rewrite. And now, after at most fifteen minutes of work, Jenn had managed to produce a pithy, lucid, and charming revised speech that remained true to its original tone. "Huh," he uttered in amazement as he leaned back in his chair and continued reading. 

  


* * *

  


"Oh my God, I think I'm gonna puke." 

"What?" Sam asked, snapping his cell phone shut. "Did you say something?" 

Jenn brought an ice-cold hand to her feverish forehead and brushed away some of the beads of sweat that had gathered along her hairline. "I'm sweating like there's no tomorrow, but I can't feel my hands. Is that normal?" 

Sam's smile was strained, but he tried to sound as reassuring as possible when he stated, "Perfectly. Don't worry, you'll do fine." 

Jenn scanned the controlled chaos unfolding before her and tried to calm her nerves by taking a deep breath. There were only about five minutes left until they would go live on the air, and the entire studio was bustling with activity. Yards of cables were strewn haphazardly along the floor, and Jenn counted three stationary cameras and one roving camera blocking her view of the set. She was accidentally jostled by a crewmember as he attempted to maneuver around her, and this propelled Sam to reach out and steady her. "I didn't think there'd be so many people here," she whispered as she disentangled herself from Sam. 

"Don't be nervous. You'll do fine." 

Jenn turned to face him and laughed. "Do you realize that that's like the hundredth time you've said that to me since we got here?" 

Sam chuckled and shyly shrugged. "Well, I _do_ think you're going to do fine. But it also looked like you could use the affirmations." 

Jenn sighed and was about to agree when she spotted an attractive man in a black suit step onto the set. "Is that Matthew Durkin?" 

Sam followed her gaze and then nodded. "Yeah, that's him." 

"How old is he? He looks like a kid." 

Sam raised an eyebrow and glanced at Jenn, a person who, in her own right, could pass as a 'kid.' "He's old enough. Now be nice. He's coming our way." 

Matt was smiling broadly as he approached them. "Hi, Sam," he greeted warmly, holding out his hand, "it's been a long time." 

"Yes, it has, Matt. How's it going?" The two men clasped hands and shook vigorously. 

"Can't complain." 

"And your sister? How's Denise doing these days?" 

"Good. She got married a year ago to an investment banker in Boston. And she's about to make me a very proud uncle. Her due date was ten days ago, so we're all just kind of waiting for the baby to pop out." 

"Oh, wow. Be sure to tell her congratulations for me." 

"Sure." Turning his attention to Jenn, Matt again flashed his wide grin. "You must be Jennifer. I'm Matt Durkin." 

"It's nice to meet you, and please, call me Jenn." She shook his hand and prayed that he wouldn't notice how clammy it was. 

"Well, it looks like we're about ready to begin. Why don't you go get comfortable on the set? The chair on the right's mine, so you get the chair on the left. I'll be there in a minute." 

Jenn looked uncertainly at Sam, and he nodded his approval to the suggestion. As she started to walk in front of him, he touched her arm and leaned towards her to murmur, "I'll be right here if you need me, and don't forget: you're going to do fine." 

Jenn chuckled nervously and looked like she was about to attend her own execution, but she turned towards the set and didn't look back. 

Both Sam and Matt watched Jenn travel the short distance to the barren set, which only possessed two armchairs on opposite sides of a small table. 

"She's younger than I imagined she'd be," Matt remarked with a tinge of surprise in his voice. 

"Funny, that's what she said about you." Sam turned to face Matt and said, "Look, I want you to understand that--" just as Matt said, "My producers and I want to thank you for picking our show for Jenn to make her debut on." 

"Oh, uh, sure," Sam mumbled, momentarily taken aback. "We wanted to be positive that she wouldn't get hung out to dry by some overly ambitious television personalities." 

"Well, you came to the right place then. I must admit that you guys raised a few eyebrows when we got that call from C.J. saying that she wanted to book some mysterious guest for my show but that she couldn't tell us who that person was yet. Things got a little clearer when we received that list of questions, but we definitely got the whole picture after the President's announcement last night." 

"Yeah, Matt, about that list..." 

"Oh, don't worry about it, Sam. It's all taken care of." 

"Well, that's great, but I still need to make sure that we're all on the same page. You only get to ask Jenn the questions on that list. Understand?" 

"Yeah, Sam. I told you, it's taken care of. You're lucky we're so accommodating over here." 

Sam's eyes grew large as a chill ran up his spine. "What are you saying, Matt?" 

"Oh, don't start sounding like that. I was just saying that you guys might want to be a little more careful about the number of demands you put out there. With the President's MS admission and now this, the administration's hardly running at a hundred percent. And demands aren't usually taken very seriously if people don't believe the demander has the cojones to back them up." 

"Was that a threat?" Sam demanded with a frown. 

"Oh, God, no. You took my comment all wrong. I just meant it to be a little friendly advice. After all, we're almost family." Matt placed a firm hand on Sam's shoulder to emphasize his point. 

"Yeah, we're really not," Sam asserted as he pulled away from Matt's embrace. 

Matt stared at his arm, which was left hanging in mid-air, and dropped it back down to his side. "Okay, I may have overreached there, but seriously, you have nothing to worry about. We're going to do this interview and she's going to come out looking great and I'm going to come out looking great. It's a win-win situation for us all." 

"And you're going to stick to the list, right?" 

"Of course. Goes without saying. Sam, you really should-- Oh, I'm being beckoned. Gotta go." 

Sam looked in the direction of the set and saw a petite Asian woman signaling Matt by pointing at the watch on her wrist. 

"See that girl with the braids?" Matt asked as he pointed out the woman Sam was already looking at. "Well, her name's Angie and she's one of the producers. If you have any problems during the interview, she's the one you should speak to. See you in thirty." 

A heavy nugget of dread settled and grew in his belly as Sam watched Matt scurry away. 

As Matt slipped into his chair and clipped a microphone onto his lapel, he flashed Jenn another one of his disarming smiles. "Relax," he urged her lightly. "I don't bite, I swear." 

A nervous giggle gurgled up from her throat and Jenn's hands unconsciously fluttered up to her neck. "I'm sorry. I'm just--" 

"Don't worry about it. I know this can all be pretty overwhelming at first. But once the cameras start rolling, a rhythm will develop and you'll find yourself just going with the flow." 

"That's good to know." 

"And don't let the cameras intimidate you. The way to know which camera angle is being shown at any one time is to look for the one with the flashing red light. So, if you ever want to speak directly to a camera, you should look for that flashing light. But I'd recommend that you keep your eyes on me. Unless you know for sure which camera angle is being used, you'll just end up looking lost searching for that light." 

"Okay." 

"Is there anything you need before we get started?" 

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." 

Matt reached across the table and gently patted her hand. "Don't be nervous. You'll do fine." 

"That's what Sam keeps telling me." 

"Well, Sam's a smart guy. And it's not like you don't know what questions I'll ask you. No worries. We'll just have a little chat and have some fun while we're at it." 

Jenn smirked at the comment. "I highly doubt that." 

"Well, regardless of whether or not you do, you look great, and that's half the battle right there." 

"That sounds frighteningly narcissistic." 

"Yeah, well, welcome to the world of television." 

"Okay, people," a middle-aged man with a headset shouted as he paced in front of the cameras, "we're on in five." 

"Ready?" Matt asked as he straightened his tie and smoothed out the front of his jacket. 

"Yeah." 

"Five," the headset man began to count. "Four. Three. Two." 

Right on cue, Matt looked directly at the camera closest to him and said, "Hello. I'm Matthew Durkin, and I'm glad you could join us for another edition of _Full Circle_." 

  


* * *

  


"Am I late? Did I miss anything?" 

Ainsley swooped into Josh's bullpen with a can of Fresca in one hand and her purse in the other. As she pulled up beside Josh and Donna, who were standing in front of a TV tuned to _Full Circle_ , she dropped her bag onto the floor and popped the tab on her soda can. 

"They're just doing introductions right now," Donna informed her without looking away from the screen. "She looks kind of nervous, don't you think?" 

"Well, who wouldn't be?" Josh asked, reaching around Donna to grab a brownie off of a plate on the desk in front of them. Donna slapped his hand it passed across her body. "Hey," Josh yelped. "What gives? That hurt." 

"Those brownies aren't for you." 

"Well, if they aren't for me, then what are they doing sitting in my bullpen?" 

"I baked them for everyone else, Joshua. They've been working hard and I thought they could use a treat." 

"So let me make sure I got this right. You baked brownies for everyone but me?" 

"Yeah." 

"That's just so wrong. Why?" 

"You really want me going into my list of reasons right now?" 

Josh pondered her question for a second before confessing, "No." 

"I didn't think so." 

Josh quickly stuffed the brownie he'd managed to snag into his mouth and turned his attention back to the TV. "She looks good," he observed with a full mouth. 

"Yeah," Ainsley agreed proudly. "I lent her that red shirt. I thought the red would do a good job offsetting the darkness of the suit. But the curls were all her idea. They're a nice touch." 

Josh shot Ainsley a puzzled look but decided to let her remark pass without any further comment. "She looks good in red. Just like you do," he added as he turned towards Donna. "You should wear red more often." 

Donna blushed at the compliment and smiled in bemusement. "Thank you." Before she had a chance to say more, she caught sight of Margaret in the hallway and chased after her with a document Leo needed to sign. 

Once Donna was gone, Ainsley grinned slyly at Josh. "What was that all about?" 

"What?" he asked, snatching another forbidden brownie. 

"That stuff you just said to Donna. 'You look good in red. You should wear more red.' You were flirting her." 

"What?" Josh glared at Ainsley in exasperation. "You don't know what you're talking about." 

"Yes, I do," she insisted. "I know flirting when I see it, and that was definitely flirting." 

"What are you, in fifth grade?" 

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch," Ainsley retorted, doubled over in laughter. "I was just kidding around." 

Josh narrowed his eyes and stiffly asked, "Ainsley, do I have to remind you that I was the one who said you could watch Jenn's appearance up here? Do you want me to send you back down to the dungeon?" 

She gasped and pointed an accusing finger at Josh. "I _knew_ that's what you guys call my office." 

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch," he mocked. 

"Do I need to send you two to your rooms without dinner?" Donna admonished as she stepped back into the bullpen. 

"Donna, she--" Josh attempted to gripe before being hushed by his assistant. 

"Shh. They're coming back from commercials. Here we go." 

*** 

"Mind if I join you?" 

Leo looked over his shoulder to see Jed striding into his office with his hands stuffed in his pants pockets. 

"I thought you were going to watch this with Abbey over at the Residence, sir," Leo stated, his forehead furrowed in surprise. 

"Oh, well, I, uh..." Jed pursed his lips and stared down at the floor. "She looked like she wanted to be left alone, so I decided that I'd come here and keep you company instead." 

"Are you avoiding your wife, sir?" 

"Don't you think that's kind of a personal question?" 

"You really shouldn't be avoiding her, Mr. President. I don't see that helping matters any." 

"Gee, Leo, isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black?" 

"I never avoided Jenny, sir." 

"No, you just turned a blind eye to everything until it was too late." 

Both men fell silent and watched as _Full Circle_ returned from its commercial break. The camera focused in on Jenn, and they got an unobscured shot of Jenn looking cool and composed in her new suit as soft waves framed her face. It was also obvious, however, that she was feeling uneasy. 

"She looks nervous," Jed pointed out mournfully. 

"I'm sure she is." 

Jed sighed and glanced at his best friend. "Did we do the right thing by putting her on this show?" 

"It had to be done." 

"I really need her to come out of this unscathed, Leo." 

This time Leo was the one who sighed. "I want that, too, Mr. President, but I think we both know the odds of that happening are next to impossible." 

"Yeah." 

The camera panned out to reveal both Matt and Jenn as the interview got underway. 

*** 

"So, Jenn, I'm sure you already know that we're eager to hear about your current relationship with your father, the President, but why don't we ease into things by discussing your mother. Is that okay?" Matt oozed charm as he gazed amiably at Jenn from across the table. 

"Sure." 

"I understand that you and your mother were close. Would you mind telling us a little more about that?" 

It appeared almost as if the mention of her mother caused Jenn to fall into a daze. She stared ahead blankly and looked like a deer caught in a pair of headlights. 

"C'mon, Jenn," Sam encouraged quietly from his post behind the cameras, "snap out of it. You can do this." 

Jenn blinked several times, panicked, before regaining the use of her tongue. As she remembered the question was one of the ones from the list and that she had an answer already prepared, she flipped some hair over her right shoulder and smiled confidently. "Yes, Matt, my mom and I were very close. I know it sounds trite, but I think you could honestly say we were best friends. My mom was only in her twenties when she had me, so I guess you could say we kind of grew up together. She was the sweetest, most wonderful person I know." 

"Do you think it would be fair to say you kept each other's confidences and did whatever the other asked?" 

Sam raised an eyebrow and looked up from the phone number he'd been punching into his cell phone. It wasn't one of the 'allowed' questions, but he didn't feel like it was so out of line that he had to be concerned. 

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Jenn responded, trying not to appear too startled. 

"Then is that why you hid your identity all these years?" Matt's eyes twinkled triumphantly as he saw Jenn's face fall. 

"What the hell?" Josh cried, his mouth dropping open. 

"That's one of the questions on the list?" Donna asked in disbelief. 

"No!" Josh grabbed the phone nearest to him and dialed Toby's extension. When he got a busy signal, he slammed the receiver down and stalked off in the direction of Toby's office. 

On the screen, the camera was pulling in for an up-close shot of Jenn's stunned face. "I don't--" she squeaked in a small voice. 

"Oh, c'mon, Jenn," Matt jeered. "Isn't it true that the President told your mother that he wanted to keep you a secret? So she, in turn, asked you to conceal your father's identity?" 

"No, that's not true," Jenn asserted as firmly as she could. When had things spun so out of control, she asked herself. "No one ever asked me to keep my father's identity a secret." 

"Are you saying that you expect us to believe that you never tried to contact your father for more than a decade because you just didn't feel like it?" The venom in Matt's voice was unmistakable. 

Josh burst into Toby's office without bothering to knock. "Toby, we--" 

Toby silenced Josh by holding up his hand and continued his phone conversation. "Yes, Leo, I know....I don't know what happened....No, I--...Let me talk to him and I'll get back to you." Looking up to address Josh, Toby muttered, "I've got to call Sam." He punched in Sam's cell phone number and waited impatiently for him to pick up. 

"It wasn't that I didn't feel like it," Jenn countered weakly. "It's just that...my mom wasn't well. She...was bipolar and thought the President would...she was just scared, that's all. She asked him not to contact me, but she never forbid me from contacting him. I just didn't--" 

Sam jumped and almost dropped his phone as it vibrated in his hand. He'd been hanging on to every halting word coming out of Jenn's mouth. She had paled by two shades after the questions had turned critical and now looked close to what Sam imagined death to look like. "Sam Seaborn," he whispered into the phone as he turned his back on the set and stuck a finger in his left ear. 

"What the hell is going on over there?" Toby shouted into his ear. 

"I don't know. I think we're getting sandbagged." 

"You _think_ , Sam? Well, I _know_ that's what's happening. Get her out of there. Now." 

"What do you want me to do? Run up there and drag her off the set while the cameras are rolling? That would look great." 

"Then what do you suggest? Durkin's killing her and the President's about to have a heart attack!" 

"I'll pull her at the next commercial break." 

"Which will be when?" 

"I don't know." Sam turned back around to see Jenn's lower lip quavering. "I gotta go. Bye." 

Toby moved the receiver away from his ear and stared at it as it emitted a dial tone. "He hung up on me," he declared, faintly astonished. 

Josh rubbed his hands over his face and mumbled, "What's he gonna do?" 

"Pull her at the next break." 

"Which is when?" 

"He doesn't know." 

"Oh, God." 

"Yeah." 

Both men refocused their attention on the show in time to see Matt berate Jenn some more. 

"Your father is the governor of New Hampshire and he's well aware of the fact that your mother is mentally unstable, and yet he has no qualms with leaving his daughter in her hands? Is that what you're telling me?" 

"Yes. No. Wait, I--" Jenn gazed beseechingly at the cameras as she tried to locate Sam hidden behind them. 

"Oh, this is bad," Josh stated, wincing. "This is very, very bad. The things he's implying...he's..." 

"I know," Toby said. "I don't know what could be worse." 

"I do." 

Toby and Josh turned to see C.J. lurking in the doorway, a briefing book clutched in her right hand. 

"You want to know what's worse?" she challenged as she walked towards them. "You could be in Jenn's shoes right now." 

The two men ducked their heads guiltily and nodded. C.J. stared at the TV and shook her head in dismay as she watched a distraught Jenn look as if she wished the floor below her would open up and swallow her whole. 

"You were ten years old when you met the President for the first time," Matt began to say before being interrupted by Jenn, who murmured, "He wasn't the President then." 

"Well, yes, I realize that, but my point is that you were only ten when your father introduced himself to you and then abandoned you. Both you and the President claim that your mother was the one who precipitated that break in your relationship, but you're also claiming that no one ever stopped you from contacting him as you got older. Now how can that be? Actions were taken that you're now not being frank about! Who made these atrocious decisions? Who are you protecting? It's your father, isn't it?" 

Just as Sam was about to disregard his own arguments on why he should wait until the next commercial break to pull Jenn off the show, her face clouded over and she stopped cowering in her chair. 

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she demanded loudly, her face livid. 

Not expecting Jenn to start arguing back, Matt shot a hasty look to the director standing off to the sidelines. "Well, maybe we should--" 

"No," Jenn interrupted. "You keep your eyes right here," she ordered, pointing to her own eyes. "Who the hell do you think you are to sit there and question the decisions that have been made in my life? You have no idea what I've gone through and what my mother has gone through. Did you spend your 21st birthday pleading with your mother to open a locked bathroom door as she threatened to smash in the medicine cabinet mirror and slice her wrists open with the shards? At the age of 13, did you have to learn how to beg store managers to allow you to return wore merchandise that your mother had bought on a whim because if they didn't, then that would mean both of you would end up on the streets? Did you grow up having to hide the fact that your mother wasn't well so that people wouldn't pity you and say 'Oh, you poor thing' every time they saw you? No? Well, guess what? I did. I had to do all of that and more. Yes, decisions were made when I was young and as I got older, and I may regret some of them now and they may seem absurd to some people, but I don't care. I don't care because those of you who are irked by this don't know what it's like. There are over 2.3 million adults who suffer from manic depression in the United States, and they and their families struggle through every hour of every day, just like my mother and I did, to try to hold on and keep things from falling apart. So, don't you dare sit there and judge them or me or my mother or anyone else in my family. Don't you dare." 

A hush fell over the studio. Jenn's eyes filled with tears as she dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands. Matt stared at her, stunned. Soon the man with the headset appeared beside two of the cameras and began waving his arms around wildly. Taking notice of him, Matt blinked and stammered, "Well, it, uh, it looks like it's time for another word from our sponsors, so we'll be right back." 

"And we're out," the headset man yelled in relief. 

Jenn yanked the microphone off of her jacket and flung it away from her, not caring that it probably broke when it smacked against the cold floor. "You bastard," she condemned Matt as she rose from her seat and pushed her way through various cameramen and crewmembers. 

Sam rushed to her side. "Jenn, I--" 

She broke his gaze and advised with a strained voice, "I really wouldn't talk to me right now, Sam, because I might end up saying something I'll regret later." 

He nodded in understanding and asked her to give him a second as he marched over to Matt, who hadn't moved from his chair. 

"She can't leave yet," Matt informed him flatly. "We're supposed to have her for another segment." 

"Then that's your problem, not mine." 

When Matt opened his mouth to protest, Sam snapped, "What? You want to sue us over this? Fine, go ahead. I'm sure the Counsel's Office would have a field day with you." 

Matt closed his mouth and looked away as he tried to avoid Sam's eyes. But Sam slammed both of his hands against the table and moved his face within inches of Matt's. "Congratulations, Matt," Sam hissed, "you just succeeded in committing not one, but three grave mistakes. First, you pissed off the President. Second, you pissed off Leo McGarry. And your third and most critical mistake? You pissed off me. Hope it was all worth it." 

Sam then spun himself around and made his way towards Jenn. It was time to return to the White House. 

  


* * *

  


The car ride back to the White House was a silent one. Sam glanced at Jenn periodically during the trip, but her eyes were always focused on the scenery blurring by her window as the car raced through the streets. They were minutes away from reaching 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue when Sam cleared his throat and gently touched Jenn's right thigh. She jumped and instinctually pulled away. 

"I'm sorry," Sam apologized. "I didn't mean to... We're about to arrive at the White House, and I just wanted to let you know that, once we get there, we're going to have a meeting in Leo's office. The President, Leo, and the senior staff will be there. It's not a meeting we pulled together especially for you. It's just something that we always hold whenever one of us makes a public appearance. We'll go over what was said, what wasn't said, and what wasn't said but might as well have been. It helps C.J. get an idea of what kind of questions to expect at her briefing. Is that okay?" 

"Sure." Jenn's voice was dull and emotionless. 

The two once again fell silent until the car pulled around to the back of the White House and slowed to a stop. As Sam began to push the door open, Jenn declared, "I really messed up back there, didn't I?" There was regret in her voice as well as resentment. It was obvious she was still incensed. 

"What? No." 

"I lost my temper. I couldn't remember any of the stuff I was supposed to say. And then I just--" 

"Jenn," Sam interrupted, "you didn't mess up. You did as well as any of us would have if we'd been in your place. He was attacking you. You had every right to say what you did." Sam reached down and helped Jenn out of the car. 

"Yeah, but--" 

"No buts. As far as I'm concerned, you did great." 

They had just entered the West Wing and Sam was about to lead them to Leo's office when she grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. "Can I ask you for a favor?" she begged. "Do you know if there's some place I can go to...pull myself together? All I need is a couple of minutes, that's all." 

Sam smiled kindly and pointed in the direction of his office. "You can use my office, and take as long as you need. I'll go to Leo's and hold them off until you're ready." 

"Thanks." 

Sam watched her flee towards his office before walking in the opposite direction. Outside Leo's office, Margaret was seated at her desk, typing away like a speed-demon. "They in there?" Sam asked, gesturing towards the closed door with his head. 

"Yeah," Margaret replied without looking away from her screen. "Where's Jenn? She okay?" 

"Yeah, she's..." Sam paused mid-sentence to rub his eyes as a sense of weariness suddenly hit him. "She's kind of beating herself up about what happened, but I think she'll be fine. She should be headed this way in a few minutes. Send her in when she shows up?" 

"Sure. Poor kid. She shouldn't have had to go through that. Some people just have no clue what it means to be a decent human being." 

"Yeah." Sam left Margaret to continue fuming on her own as he let himself into Leo's office. Five pairs of eyes turned and looked at the door expectantly as the hinges squeaked his arrival. Sam noticed all their faces fall as they saw only him walk into the room. "Yeah, it's only me," he mumbled, stating the obvious for them. 

"Where's Jenn?" the President asked with concern. 

"In my office. She's a little upset, so she asked for some time to herself, which I thought was a completely reasonable request. She should be joining us shortly." 

"Oh, okay." 

Left, once again, with some unexpected time to kill, the President, Chief of Staff, and senior staff didn't seem to know what to do with themselves. They exchanged furtive glances and scrutinized the already familiar surroundings. 

To break the awkward silence, Josh asked, "So, while we're waiting, should we, you know, go over what we think went wrong?" 

"It'd probably go faster if we instead went over what went right," Toby pointed out brusquely. 

"Okay, then, what do we think went right?" 

The six occupants in the room, who held an array of degrees and prestigious awards between them, wracked their brains for an answer but were unable to come up with one. 

"It wasn't that bad...was it?" Jed asked after several seconds had passed without a response. 

"No, it wasn't," Sam chimed in as he decided to be the one who would find the silver lining to their current dark cloud. "Some things _did_ go right, sir. Like...um...well...Jenn looked good. She really did." 

As the other men in the room began to nod their heads, C.J. crossed her arms and scoffed, "That's your example of something that went right? 'Jenn looked good'? Aside from being one of the more sexist comments you could've said, it's an incredibly stupid one. The reason none of us can come up with anything more positive than 'she looked good' is because nothing went right during that interview. Jenn got massacred, and the only ones we have to blame for that are ourselves. We promised Jenn that if she memorized those questions and she memorized those answers, then she'd be fine. Well, she held up her end of the bargain, but we didn't hold up ours." 

"Now, wait a minute," Toby interjected. "We did everything we could. How could we have known that Durkin wasn't going to stick to the list like he said he would?" 

"Oh, c'mon, Toby. Why did we think we could give Durkin that directive and expect him to follow it? When did we develop that kind of hubris? Let's face it, guys, we failed her, and we're damn lucky that things didn't disintegrate more than they did. She could have just sat there and fallen apart." 

C.J.'s words rang true in everyone's ears, which caused them to lapse into silence. As Jed watched his staff process C.J.'s comments, he was pleasantly surprised to find that, while his staff still sometimes averted their gaze from his, they did so out of a sense of them having let him down and not the other way around. His eyes settled on Josh, who appeared to be deep in thought. "What about you, Josh?" Jed asked. "You've been uncharacteristically quiet. What are your thoughts on what transpired during the show?" 

Josh frowned and waited a second before growling, "I think Matthew Durkin's a gigantic jackass who'll get his when he least expects it." 

The response elicited a series of wicked smiles from everyone in the room. Trying to suppress his own grin, Jed moved over to Josh and patted him on the shoulder. "Thank you, Josh. Always my beacon of wisdom, aren't you?" 

"Yes, sir." 

As a feeling of camaraderie slowly filled the room, Leo sneaked a peep at his watch. "Sam, how much time did Jenn say she wanted by herself?" 

People's smiles faded as Sam checked his own watch, his eyebrows furrowed in apprehension. "She said a couple minutes, but..." 

Leo caught the President's eye and noticed that his friend looked as alarmed as he felt. "Mr. President, may I--" 

"Please." 

Leo nodded and rushed out of the room, remembering at the very last second to look over his shoulder and say, "Thank you, sir. I'll return as soon as I can." 

With Leo gone, the senior staff didn't seem to be able to decide whether or not they should stay. "Sir, do you think we should--" Toby began to suggest before being hushed by a wave of Jed's hand. 

"Oh, I don't think Leo'll mind if we loiter here a little longer. If something comes up that needs my attention, Charlie'll come get me." Jed paused to settle himself into one of the armchairs. "Oh, and before I forget, I'd like to thank you, Sam, for a job well done on that speech I'm set to give in New York." 

Sam stared at the President in bewilderment. "The teacher union speech?" he asked as he shot Toby a questioning look. 

"Yeah, that's the one. Great job. Leo gave me the final draft earlier today and I signed off on it about an hour ago. I like how you kept it short and sweet. I wanna be in and outta there before any of them have a chance to sharpen their claws." 

"Well, uh," Sam stammered, scratching his head, "I'd love to accept your praise, sir, but I'm afraid I can't." 

"You can't?" 

"No, sir. The draft I wrote and handed off to Toby was horrendous. I wish I'd done a better job on it, but...my mind was on other times at the time. Sorry." 

Jed turned his attention to Toby and gave him a courtly nod. "Well, then, my compliments go to the revisionist. Nice job, Toby." 

Toby's eyes fell to his lap as he mumbled, "I'm afraid I can't accept your praise, either, sir." 

Taken slightly aback, Jed stated wryly, "Lemme guess. You weren't the one who revised the speech." 

"I rewrote part of it, but not the entire thing." 

"May I be bold enough to ask whose help you received?" 

"Your daughter, sir." 

Jed was now completely confused. He knew he'd been preoccupied with various things during the past few days, but was it possible that one of his daughters had dropped in for a visit without his knowledge? "Zoey?" 

"It was Jenn, sir," Toby begrudgingly admitted. 

Various mouths fell at the mention of her name, especially Jed's. "She hasn't even been here for a week yet, but you've already put her to work? Were you trying to make sure she was earning her keep?" he asked, feeling slightly miffed. 

"It wasn't like that. We were in my office going over the questions one last time, when I was...called away from my desk. By the time I returned, she'd already rewritten half of the thing. She did a decent job so I just followed her lead and finished it up. In retrospect, I guess her work was pretty impressive." When Toby looked up from his explanation, he saw four faces smirking back at him. "What? I give credit where credit's due." 

Josh chortled and threw his hands over his heart as he feigned having a heart attack. "Can this be? The great Toby Ziegler is actually handing out compliments? If we don't intervene soon, people, he may just start apologizing!" 

"Well, Josh, I am sorry. I'm sorry you're such an idiot," Toby countered sarcastically. 

Both C.J. and Sam started laughing at this point as all thoughts of Matt Durkin flew out the window. Even Jed allowed the corners of mouth to push upwards. Everything's going to be fine, he reassured himself. His staff was no longer angry with him. He and Abbey would kiss and make up the way they always did. And Leo would make sure Jenn was all right and then convince her to stay in town. Everything would be just fine. 

  


* * *

  


The first thing Leo noticed as he approached Sam's office was that someone had drawn the blinds shut. He knew Sam always left them open because he found the hustle and bustle out in the bullpen and hallway inspiring. That left only Jenn as the one behind the deed, and that worried Leo. 

Before knocking on the closed door, he pressed an ear against it but heard only silence. So, he knocked and called out, "Jenn? It's Leo. May I come in?" Again there was only silence. 

Upon letting himself into the room, he saw Jenn pacing in front of Sam's desk at a frantic rate. 

"Jenn, what are you doing?" Leo inquired quietly as he closed the door behind him. 

She threw her arms up in the air and clenched her hands into fists. "God, Uncle Leo," she seethed while continuing to pace back and forth, "I am so pissed right now I can hardly..." 

"Honey, you need to calm down. I know you're upset, but I promise you that we're going to deal with Durkin in the appropriate--" 

"You think I'm pissed at Matt?" Jenn asked as she came to a stop. 

"You're not?" 

"No, I am, believe me, but I'm...I'm more pissed at myself right now." She sighed and leaned against the front of the desk. "I can't believe the things I said about my mom." 

"You got caught up in the moment. When that happens, it's next to impossible to censure yourself." 

"That's no excuse." Jenn shook her head and pressed a hand against the right side of her face. "I made her sound like such a terrible person. I'm didn't mean to, but he was saying all those things about the President that weren't true and I just wanted him to shut up. Then those words started flying out my mouth and I..." Jenn stopped and bit her lower lip as she struggled to remain composed. "I can't believe I said those things." 

Leo moved over to the desk and leaned against it beside her. "You didn't sell out your mother to save your father, if that's what you're thinking you did." 

"For as long as I can remember, I've promised myself I would never trade off of my mother's illness. Ever." 

"I know," Leo murmured as he put his arm around her shoulders. "I know." 

She recoiled from his embrace and asserted, "No, Uncle Leo, you really don't." 

"Jenn, I didn't mean to--" 

"See, the thing is, I spent so much time making sure I didn't blame my mother for anything that I..." Jenn turned her head and gazed at Leo with defeated eyes. "I wanted her to die. Did you know that?" 

Leo stared back at her, transfixed, and found himself speechless. 

"It's true," she continued, sounding chillingly detached. "The ironic thing is that I'm not sure I would've felt that way if things hadn't been going so well for us. I'd graduated from college and found a good job. Mom inexplicably started taking her medication regularly and stabilized enough to find a job of her own. For the first time in years, we found ourselves with extra money at the end of each month and opened a savings account. We were happy, the two of us. A year passed. And then another one. It was amazing things were so good. But then Mom started feeling run down. She became really listless all the time, and it was a different kind of listless than when she was feeling depressed. So she went to see her doctor and some tests were done and that's when we found out about the cancer. The next thing we knew, what little money we'd saved got eaten up by tests and treatments and hospital stays. I used up time-off days faster than I earned them, and I...I just got so tired. I was tired of being forced to be the grown-up again. I was tired of having to be the worrier and the caretaker and the dutiful daughter who always had a smile on her face and the words 'it's going to be okay' on the tip of her tongue. I'd just turned 25, was in what many people would consider the prime of my life, and I was miserable. 

"I don't remember how many times I fell asleep half-wishing she'd be dead when I woke up so that it'd all finally be over. And then, one day, my wish came true." She choked on the last word and dropped her head as a tear slid down her right cheek. When she raised her head back up and brushed her hair away from her face with trembling hands, Leo saw two large brown eyes full of pain and overflowing with tears. "I miss her, Uncle Leo," Jenn whispered before a sob broke free from her chest. "I miss her so much. I'd give anything to have her back." 

Leo felt a tear of his own slither down his cheek as he wrapped his arms around Jenn and held her close. While he stroked her hair and murmured "shh" over and over again, Jenn buried her face in his shoulder and wept. As an ache exploded and radiated throughout her body, she wept for all the times she'd been lonely and scared, for all the times she'd been bitter and angry, and for all the times, in the last four days, she'd wanted nothing more than her mommy. 

_-the end-_


End file.
